I don' t get him!
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| Wed, 10-25-2006 - 11:55am |
I want to see if anyone can please give me an opinion on this guy.... I am 22 years old and don't really know much about dating... i was with my ex for about 3 years and before that he was my best friend...actually most of the guys that I have dated have been my friends first, so i don't really know how it is to meet someone new and just start dating.
Well, getting back to my point... I met a guy about 3 weeks ago, and it wasn't in the best way...it was at a bar..and i know that is not really a good place to meet guys, but we were dancing and he asked me for my number. We were both a little drunk and kissed at the end of the night...I usually don't just kiss strangers...but there was something different about this guy. Later on that night when i got home I text messaged him saying i had a good time with him...he called me right after that and we talked for a little while, then his battery died. That was on a friday night. Saturday came along and i didn't hear from him so i text messaged him again saying: thanks for the apology for hanging up last night (even though i knew his battery had died)... I didn't hear from him that night...but i thought nothing of it. When I woke up Sunday morning I had a missed call from him so i called him back and he told me that he was glad i had text messaged him because he had messed up his phone and lost all his numbers... and if i hadn't messaged him there was no way he could get my number. He asked me out on ourfirst date and i went out with him that night...he took me to a nice restaurant on the water and we watched the sunset...after dinner we went for a walk along the water...IT WAS SO PERFECT! He took me home and I got a kiss on the cheek which I loved because it shows that he isn't just trying to get in my pants. He called me that night to see if i had enjoyed myself and we talked for about an hour. We seemed to really like each other.
Here is a little background info on this guy: he is 7 years older than me (30), he has 2 kids which he has half the time(i don't have any), and was married before(not to his kids' mother) and has been divorced for a little over a year, he has a great job, and he owns a house...he has a great personality... funny, respectful, charming, and he seems sincere (basically everything i've been looking for in a man).
Well, after our perfect first date he did not call me monday... but he did call me tuesday and we talked for a while...then wednesday came along and he didn't call me.. so i noticed a pattern start to develop...i understand he's busy but why is he calling me every other day??? Thursday came along and he called me and asked me what i was doing friday night..i told him that i didn't know yet..and he said he was going to be watching movies at his house because he was going to have his kids and he asked me if i wanted to come over... I freaked out... I didn't show him that I did, but i really wasn't ready to meet his kids...after all it had only been a week since we met! I told him that I wasn't sure because i had already made plans to go out that night, but i would see if i could.
Friday night he called and asked what i was doing...i told him i was getting ready to go out and he seemed like he got a little upset... we hung up and i finished getting ready and i decided to call him back. I could tell he was happy that i called him back and he asked me if i could pass by his house on my way back home to give him a good night kiss...and i agreed. I did go see him but since there was people around i did not get a kiss... i just hung out at his house with a few friends...(his kids asleep, so i didn't meet them) and got a hug at the end of the night. Saturday he called me during the day to see how i enjoyed my night and we talked for a bit.
When sunday came along i was hoping that he would call me so we could go out, but nothing. Monday he called and we talked for a little while, then tuesday and wednesday nothing. Thursday he called and told me that he had gone to dinner with a "friend" to catch up on things... it then became pretty obvious to me that he is dating other women... i don't mind it because we aren't in a relationship or anything...but thats when i noticed a change... friday he called me on his lunch and he said he would call me that night and he never did...i received a text message from him at 2am saying good night... saturday he called me and i asked him what he did the night before and he said he just stayed home... so why did he text me at 2am? sunday he called me but i was sleeping and i answered the phone...and then he said he'd call me that night and he never did... now its wednesday and he hasn't called me...
So my question is... what is with this guy??? am i just over analyzing everything or is he just playing with my head... We've been talking for about 3 weeks and i have only seen him twice... so does that mean he's not interested in me? or is it just his past...and maybe he just doesn't want a relationship right now? should i ask him and if so how should i ask? I really like everything about him (that i know) except for when he calls me whenever he feels like it...
I have even thought of playing hard to get...am i too available for him? should i ignore a few of his calls instead of answering the phone everytime he calls?
Please help me...

Well, if you want to date someone who is reliable and keeps his word, this isn't that guy. Only you can decide if that's a dealbreaker for you.
I do think it's a red flag that he invited you over to his house on only the 2nd date. That just doesn't strike me as being a responsible parent, for one thing, and it's too soon for you to be going to each other's houses, for another.
And yet another red flag is the late night phone calls and texts--that's not respectful, in my book.
But...if you still want to keep seeing him, I'd just talk to him the next time he calls at a reasonable hour and if he asks you out again for a DATE (not to hang out) and you're free, then go. You can ask him on that date what type of relationship he's looking for in general (not with you, specifically--obviously it's too soon to know that), and see if you're on the same page. But he sounds like kind of a flake, so again, if reliable, etc is important to you, he's probably not a good fit.
Sheri