I don't even know how to ask this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
I don't even know how to ask this!
4
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:44pm
Okay...so this will be a weird question because I'm only 18, but I off and on feel really distressed because I haven't dated anyone! My sister is younger than me and has had a few boyfriends and is in a two year "relationship" now. My family has told me that it is because I am intimidating because I know exactly what I want in my life and am doing it. I see a connection with guys my age...but now that I am in college I would have hoped that someone would have noticed me by now. Be honest am I being stupid about this because I don't know what to think or where to even go to find someone! It's limited for me at the moment with my age so please HELP ME!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 9:20am

I doubt you are that intimidating. Please don't listen to your family, they will kill your self-esteem with that type of advice.

If you know exactly what you want is a date then you should go about doing that too. Better get to where the boys are at and start being friendly. Ask and ye shall receive. Find one that you like and ask him to go for coffee or take a walk or play volleyball with you. Do enough of that and one will eventually fall head over heals for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:36pm

I agree and disagree. You very well may be intimidating. The point though is, who cares? You may be intimidating, but you shouldn't change who you are. Is it worth changing yourself in order to get a guy who clearly doesn't love you for who you are? If you intimidate a guy with your personality or by knowing what you want out of life, he's clearly not right for you. And you're right, at only 18, this shouldn't be a big deal. As for your younger sister, think about this, are the guys she dates necessarily guys you would want to be with? I've found that women who date a lot young like that often end up being in superficial relationships or with guys that probably aren't right for them. They find their one true love at the same time in life as you will, they just went through more guys to get there. That may not be your path. My advice is to focus on your life goals and be thankful the fact that you don't have a guy that you may make sacrifices for, only to find out he isn't "the one" anyway and you are free to go to the college you want, move to the city you want, travel, date around, focus on a career etc.

And I am considered intimidating to guys for the same reasons myself and instead of worrying about it, I lived overseas in 3 different countries, got my master's degree, moved for different career opportunitiesm traveled a lot, spent time with friends and dated casually many guys and then at 25 met the love of my life and got married. There is hope! And I don't regret a thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 3:34pm
Thanks, it helps to hear more encouragement although the loneliness (sp?) strikes I know that my main focus is to become a teacher right now. Hopefully though I will get a little more social too b/c that has been an issue lately b/c my town has next to no one worthy of attention anyway ;) Thanks so much and I will def. focus more on what I need for me because there's a lot I'd love to do!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 2:01pm

You are in college, what fun! Now is a great time to make long lasting friends and meet men without the Meat Market atmosphere at a bar. What is nice is that by just socializing with friends on campus, you are bound to meet men. Sometimes in college years, men like to travel in packs. It is easier for them to meet women that way. They get just as nervous as women.

There are many ways to meet men in college. You can go to college concerts, socials, join a club (if you are a club person). Heck, I met men just sitting in the cafeteria in school trying to do my homework.

If you listen to your family you will carry that "too intimidating" message in your head for the rest of your life.

Go for a makeover, work out in the campus gym, etc. Do things that your family (and that means your sister too) has no part in...so that you are branching out on your own. I am not saying to ignore your family or eliminate them, but sometimes a person has to do things without the family's "messages" in her head. You'll feel a new found confidence!