i don't know what to do!
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i don't know what to do!
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 1:00pm |
about 3 weeks ago i met a great guy! we met at church and starting talking, about 1 week after we met he asked for my number, but made it sound like he just wanted it because we are in the same sunday school class, and he didn't know many people. so i gave it to him and then regretting giving him my home number, because i still live with my parents. (i'm 21 he's 30)well he didn't call so i thought ok no big deal, well he stared calling me monday, as of last night (tuesday) we have talked on the phone 3 times!! i would be all for this and enjoying it, but he is recently divorced and has 3 little girls. My mom found out about that and kinda flipped on me and said "you don't need to get mixed up with this guy" i smoothed things over telling her we are just friends and we started talking because of a dicsussion that is comming up tomorrow night. well since we have talked, i have this feeling that he's wanting to ask me out! i really like him but i don't know how to tell him that i'm not into dating him right now, mainly because my family needs to get used to us being friends first. i think i would have an easier time talking to him about this if i had been in a relationship before, but i have never had a boyfriend, EVER! i think i might just be freaking out a little! maybe he just wants a friend?! what do i need to do?? should i wait and see? or should i try to stop this now? how do i do that? i'm soooo confused!

A couple of things. You are an adult now. You need to start making your own decisions about who to date and not dating/not dating people just b/c your parents will not approve. That said, though, the wisest adults I know don't blindly follow their parents' advice, but do take it into a consideration. You should listen to what they have to say and what their concerns are, and then make your own decision. It will help you to become independent if you move out at some point.
About this guy . . . he is in a very different place in life than you are. He's already been married and has 3 young children. Before you get involved with him, think about what you are looking for and whether you can have that with him. If you are looking for a long term relationship, are you prepared to become a stepmother? I know I wouldn't have been at 21. Think about what YOU want, not just what he wants. Do you really want to get involved with him and all that entails?
The thing is he hasn't even asked you out yet. But if and when he does, I don't see harm in dating him, as long as you take it slow and easy. You don't have to marry the guy. Do YOU mind dating a divorcee with kids? There are some people who say you shouldn't date a person that you wouldn't marry. For me, at my age, that's true! But at 21, I don't think you need to screen every date as a potential husband or LTR.
However, if things start getting serious later, you will have to evaluate whether you are truly equipped and ready for a life with a divorced father of 3. I would not have wanted that responsibility when I was 21.
Good luck.