I dont know what to do anymore...
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| Sun, 04-04-2004 - 4:46pm |
The problem is that I adore him and he can make me happier than anyone else can, but most of the time, I think he chooses not to. I can't remember the last time I was surprised, told I was beautiful, felt special. It sounds lame, but I need that, especially from the person I love. He broke up with me in October and we were broke up for about a month. He said he needed to be by himself, that he was no good in a relationship. I never called him, kept my distance, even dated a little to ease the pain. I was sure it was over. Then, of course, by the end of the month he was calling again. He missed me, was ready to grow up, I was his soulmate... I told him that I could never get back into it and be number two again. That I made the relationship work before and I would never go through that again.
I had moved away a year before to another city, so I only got to see him on the weekends. I drove up to see him every weekend. I did all of the work. The problem is that sometimes he can make me feel terrible. He got mad at me the other night after wed been out and was telling me I was so stupid and I was an idiot. We had been out for a friends birthday so we'd been drinking but he said some terrible things. Now keep in mind that I have a 3.8 gpa, a great job, and I will be graduating in November. I am not dumb. But he makes harsh comments like that a lot that make me feel terrible. Sometimes I will walk up to kiss him and he'll act annoyed and brush me off. When he takes trips hed rather go with friends because he says he has the rest of his life to take them with me.
It doesnt matter what I do, things I say are always taken defensively. It has gotten to where I have to watch what I say or if he reads it wrong he will get so mad. Its confusing because, for example, yesterday we went golfing together and had a nice day and he was being so nice and fun. his work called and he had to go in that night. I was disappointed b.c wed talked about going out, but I swallowed it b.c he needs the money. I just sat quiet, kept to myself, and then went back to OK once the dosapointment passed. Later that night then I went down and asked what he was doing and he just yelled "do you have to follow me everywhere!". It just stung and I left and went and took a nap. Mind you I was just going downstairs to get my cell phone and merely passed by the room.
It is hard to explain the way he makes me feel sometimes, but I always have a ball of nervousness in my stomach. He bites back at me and says such harsh things sometimes when I least expect them and it seriously sends shivers through me because it is so hurtful. If he upset me, like the night he was calling me stupid, he lets me go down and cry myself to sleep. He doesnt feel bad. He barely apologized the next day. When I went home the next day I broke out crying a couple of times b.c I didnt understand how he could say such terrible things. I was telling him at dinner last night how my friend was thinking about leaving her boyfriend. He said "I dont have to worry about that stuff, Ive got it all in check." Sounded to me like he thought he had me wrapped around his finger.
Its hard because this stuff will happen but then we will have a week where it is great and then I let it all go. But it seems like it always happens again. I am tired of feelign this way. I dont understand his behavior. Sometimes I wonder if he might be mentally abusive. What should I do? What is he doing? Any advice would be great...Thanks for reading This is so long.
Andrea

i got the feeling that u r emotionally attached to a jerk, i may be wrong
it all depends what u wnat to do with this guy in ur life
think rationally , do u eventually wnat to get married and have kids with this guy?
will he change ever or will he be always like thta cold and distant?
will u be able to last with him for the rest of ur life even if he doesnt change and u cahnge ur slef and learn to live with a tough guy just because (u think) u r in love with him and no one can make u happy except him
remember ..all things in life come with some sacrifice ...u work hard u earn money, u play hard u score the goal, u buy lots of lottery ticktes u win powerball (ok ignore the last one)..so u need to assess ur self
some questions in life are very imporatnat and only u can answer to ur self.
my solution
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-talk to the guy..how u feel ? if he is defensive let him be ..tell him how u feel ..dont jump to conclusion on how he feels
-if nothing works there are lots of guys ..actually MEN out there ..u ll find a good one
- thirdly i mite sound shallow to u ..look for a guy who is 5 years older than you..i mean seriously have u dated some one 5 years older than u ...he mite not change for u ..but hell be mature enough ..guys in their tweens are not mature ...no
sorry for the long post my self: