I don't know what else is out there...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
I don't know what else is out there...
4
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 1:17am
I would appreciate anyone's advice because I have been thinking about this problem for a long time. My current boyfriend and I have been dating for four years and we have a very good relationship. We really have excellent communication and we talk out all our issues. However, he is the first real boyfriend I've had, as I started going out with him when I was only 18. In fact, I have only dated a couple of guys before him, and neither for very long. My problem is that I am very afraid to commit to him because I don't know what else is out there. I wonder if there is someone else who might be a better match for me. There are things that make me worry about our compatibility because I am very ambitious and tough and he is more sensitive and is not as driven. He also suffers from anxiety attacks where he gets physically sick and this has interfered with employment, also causing depression (he has tried therapy but didn't like it, and is currently on anti-depressants). While I feel for him, and I am very supportive, sometimes deep down I feel like I am tired of dealing with a mental illness I really don't understand. I just feel so confused because I really love him and want to see him happy but I wonder if I will be happy if I spend the rest of my life with him. On the other hand, he has been incredible throughout my university degree, supporting me and helping me get through the tough times. I have been wondering if I am wasting both our times if I continue knowing that I don't think he's The One. We have talked about how we don't know if we could get married (not that we are planning to soon, just talking) without dating other people first, because he has even less experience than me. We love each other so much, but is this just leading to inevitable heartbreak? I don't know what to do. Please, any thoughts would be useful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 1:36am
If you end your relationship with your current boyfriend, don't do it because someone better may be out there. Do it because he is not right for you. And only you can anwer that. Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? Everyone has flaws, but are his flaws a dealbreaker? If you really love him, you'll want to spend the rest of your life with him, flaws and all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 2:05am
agree 100% with gingersnapelle. he seems like a kind, supportive and dependable person. such qualities are great. plus you said you both have great communication skills, which is excellent. and you love him and he loves you back equally. in my own dating history, such guys have been rare, where there is love along with compatibility. you have a lot of good things going on. just wanted to reiterate that. it's your choice in the end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 6:29am
Well...I feel that if you are wondering if there is something better out there for you, your mind is already wandering out of the relationship, you are maybe bored with it and want something different. I was like that. I started going with my ex when I was 19, we were together for 3 years and I started feeling it was too much too soon, him and I are were a total match, but it was better we saw what else was out there and we are still friends and in the future, you never know what will happen. Go with what makes you happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 8:19am
When it's right, you will know. If you are having doubts, maybe wait a bit on the marriage thing and just concentrate on the now.