I don't miss him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
I don't miss him.
3
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 11:47pm

I recently took a friendship to a different level.  I have known im for 7 years, and we always had a great time when we were together.  I always knew he wanted more, but for one reason or another, it never happened.  I was in a relationship or he was.   When we are together, I always still have a great time.  Feel super comfortable with him.  He treats me great.  I feel like i can tell him anything, and there is 100% acceptance without judgement.  We have similar interests.  But, I don't miss him when he is gone.  I don't have that, constantly wondering when we are going out again that always happens (at least with me) in an early relationship.  I keep thinking that will happen.  Maybe its because we were friends for so long?  or we aren't meant to be?  better as friends?  

I had a horrible relationship before him that was verbally abusive, and I have had some issues letting my guard down since then.   So, I am not sure how much of that impacts how I am with him.  

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2013
Tue, 12-03-2013 - 10:14pm

One thought that comes to mind is that maybe you are very comfortable and secure in this relationship, so you don't have that "when will I see him again?" anxiety. Because you've known each other so long, you've gotten to a comfortable place and still like each other. This might be a good thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Thu, 12-05-2013 - 9:55am
Beginning to date a friend is never going to have the same intensity as beginning to date someone you didn't know. Someone new brings expectations and the excitement of discovering about each other in many ways. A friend already has long passed that stage, it's more comfortable and not a whole lot to discover but is someone who has far more chance to stay during difficult times that all relationships go through.
 
You may not be there yet, and are more geared for the shorter term intensity or do not know how to handle things when there is no drama in a relationship to fall back on.
 
A big red flag is that your previous boyfriend was verbally abusive. Guys like that do bring intensity but in very negative, controlling ways. If that has been your pattern, it may be best to try to put your current relationship on hold to spend some time working through issues with a therapist.
 
You may lose the friend for a while since it's very difficult to go from dating back to being friends. But from your post, I'm guessing the "don't miss him" will fester so you'll end it eventually at this point in your life. Comfort may always leave you with the feeling of "it's not enough" without some bad or dramatic things happening, too. If this sounds like possible issues, the longer you wait, the more likely the potential to sabotage things and lose the friend forever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 11:42am

'.. I always knew he wanted more, but for one reason or another, it never happened.'

And you? Have you ever really wanted more?

.'.. When we are together, I always still have a great time.  Feel super comfortable with him.  He treats me great.  I feel like i can tell him anything, and there is 100% acceptance without judgement.  We have similar interests. '

You've described how one would feel for a very good friend, which he is to you. Nowhere in your post did you mention lust, desire, even 'want'. Sexual chemistry, a sparkle. Let alone love. You don't miss him because you don't have any romantic feelings for him. He's a great person and friend - that is it.

It's up to you to decide wha to do...