I don't understand why I'm soo jealous!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
I don't understand why I'm soo jealous!
2
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 11:34pm
Hello everyone. I would like help or guidance with a situation I've been dealing with for some time with my boyfriend. We started dating last October. Everything was going great until I was joking around one day and listening to the messages on his cell phone. I listened to a message from a girl that apparently met him at his work, and he gave his phone number to, tell him how attractive she found him and so on. In a jealous rage I called back and confronted her. She told me he told her that he was in a relationship, and that he just wanted to be her friend, and thats where it all started. In july, I found out he was emailing his ex, telling her he missed her and so on, and then in August, while he was checking his email while I was in the room, he receieved an email from some girl that used to live here, that recently moved to Iowa, and how much of a crush she had on him. When I confronted him about the situation, he said he was trying to make friends that were girls, so I could be friends with them to. But he never told me about her until I confronted him... just like the girl from the first time. SHould I be so jealous? Or do I just have problems letting the past be the past. I don't know what to do. Is it weird that my boyfriend has such a strong desire to make girls his friends?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 1:35am
How do I know if people reply to this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 2:52am

I think I'd be concerned about this too if I were in your place. in general, is he trustworthy? or do you always live in fear that something is happening behind your back and he is not telling you about it. has he earned that trust from you so far? how does he behave when u are out in public or a social event where there are other girls. does he show that respect and attention to you. does he lie. i don't know the kind of person he is, so it's hard for me to say what's really going on, and whether he is just a nice person being friendly or someone playing games and getting away with stuff.

every relationship is different and in this case i think u should tell him that he should inform you about these new friendships (if that is what would make u satisfied). i don't see this as a positive sign that these girls are actually hittin on him. i don't know, how he reacts to these emails or suggestions, when you are not around. to the earlier girl, he did mention that he was in a relationship, so that is good that in that case he was upfront. does he go out of the way to make these girl friends, or does he just come across them? we all bump into different people in our daily lives and strike conversations and even make friends but while maintaining limits, but gettin attracted, or letting them get attracted, flirting etc. is a totally different thing. do you feel confidant that he will maintain limits? you should talk to him and see what his views are. and most of all you should also let him know that we all like making new friends, and gettin to know people, and that is fine, but in a relationship, he does carry a certain responsibility to his partner too, and u would like that honesty.

also, make sure u r not freaking out everytime he mentions a girl.
is it possible that he is not telling you about his friendships because he thinks you will misunderstand him? i have known guys who do that.