I don't want a girlfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
I don't want a girlfriend
5
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 12:18pm
What dose that mean --- when your friends and not dating but, you like each other
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 2:37pm

Umm... that means he doesn't want a girlfriend.

Liking someone doesn't mean that you're willing to commit to him/her.

I've typically heard this line from men who are telling me sex would be quite okay with them, as long as I don't expect to carry the title of "girlfriend." In other words, he's cool with a 'Friends with Benefits' type of situation.

So if a relationship is what you're after, you're better off finding someone else. He's making it clear that commitment is something he's not willing to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 4:26pm
Having a girlfriend means there is extra accountability and obligation placed on him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 5:10pm

I completely agree with gal-scorpion here. I have done the FWB/casual dating a couple of times with guys that have said they were not "ready for a relationship/didn't want a girlfriend". One time I was OK with it because I really didn't expect more and I kept my emotions mostly out of it. The other time, I did it because I hoped he would come around because things had always been so great between us and I cared about him a LOT. The first situation turned out OK, it stung when he just stopped communication with me - not really breaking up but instead disappearing (I guess he felt since I wasn't a real girlfriend, I wasn't worthy of a real breakup) but the other situation devastated me because I kept hoping he would come around and fall in love with me like I was with him. He never did and he broke my heart over and over because I let him.

So it boils down to whether you can accept being FWB or if you are hoping this will turn into more. If you want more, move on and find a guy who DOES want a girlfriend because you will just get hurt in the end.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 3:33pm
do you mean a male friend and female friend? I'm not totally clear
,
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 7:29pm

I have never casually dated because I just don't think I could do it(no offence). Eventually, one or the other party can get more emotionally involved and get heart-broken. The word dating itself involves a romantic connotation or an attraction...so I wonder how it can be done, without taking things further. Or, if it's not dating, then it means they are just friends hanging out. Sorry, but I am confused about this concept as well. Can one casually date several people? Or is it usually with one person.

Perhaps the major difference is that both parties have to not "expect" anything from the other at any point.