I feel uncomfortable..
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I feel uncomfortable..
| Sat, 06-17-2006 - 12:02pm |
Ever since my last relationship I have been feeling really nervous just talking to guys. My last boyfriend went away for months and in that time we stopped talking on a regular basis and feel apart. I just got use to not talking to him and relying on my friends for regular conversation. Now, as I'm starting to like someone again, I feel really self-concious about conversing. I feel boring, or like I'm not going to have things to say. I really feel awkward whenever I talk to ANY GUY! I do like this guy but how am I suppose to know if I really like him if I can't even talk to the guy without feeling self-concious? I mean its not that I can't talk to him at all, im not scared to go up and talk to him. But afterwards or on msn, im terrified that I won't have anything to say to him and then because I'm so scared I actually DON'T have anything to say! What do I do?

Heya,
Hmm..I don't know if im right in thinking this, and say if im wrong..But maybe the fact that you're 'shy' around guys is because of what happened with your last boyfriend. You didn't talk enough and now you feel it's because you couldn't keep the conversation going that you split up? He found you boring etc. At least thats what you think!
But you know what, i bet you're just as interesting as the next person- and im sure you already know that. As long as you have thoughts, opinions, a history - you've got a story to tell. It's part of what makes you, you. You say you dont think you'll have anything to say to this guy that you like...but you don't nessercerily have to talk about something major or significant to impress him, or make him believe you're really interesting straight off the bat. Ask him how he is, what he's been up to, maybe mention something that you've done that day. Just draw off eachothers responses and think of you're own experiences to help you. If you sit there worrying that you won't have anything to say to him, then nothing's going to happen because you won't let it. Relax, calm yourself, and just be you. If he's keen on you, he;ll like you for who you are, not for you trying to impress him.
Good luck..and i hope i havent completely misjudged the situation there =)
(I also think i should take some of my own advice sometimes lol)
You know....it's OKAY to feel nervous when we are talking to someone we really like....or feel it could go somewhere. It's normal! It happens with me all the time! And that nervousness disperses with time as we get more comfortable with the person. So Relax! It will get better with time. Just BE Yourself. It will perhaps help if you think up of a few questions beforehand to ask him...to get to know him better. Be a good listener.....get so lost in what he is saying and understanding what he is trying to convey that you don't have to worry about what you are going to say NEXT. Then react instinctively to how you would react if you were talking to a friend. Always keep reminding yourself to breathe, to take it easy and relax. Silence in conversations is perfectly normal.
Keeping high expectations from yourself and the situation can lead to a lot of pressure. So just focus on getting to know him at this stage and letting him get to know you gradually. Focus on him and get curious bout what makes him tick. Get curious about what his character is like. Get the attention off of yourself. Nothing else. Think high of yourself .. think you are worthy and that you are gracing him with your company. (not in a cocky sense, but in a "self-assured" sense) Don't feel bad about yourself, or feel that he is not liking something. You never know, perhaps he is nervous himself! At the end of it all, if it doesn't work, it wasn't meant to anyway.
You will do just fine. Smile now :)