i gave him space by taking a break
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| Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:24am |
we've been together 3 months - so happy & strong.in love,almost living together. but the past 3 weeks i felt that something is worrying him, that lots of things have changed in his life past months (he finally got a stable job, etc.)and that he needs some space...lots of reasons for that but i guess the main one is that he needs to realise whether he is ready for a relationship with me, a new one to him after being 4yrs (2 of them unhappy and full of fights) with another girl
i left on sunday, he cried.... on tuesday he tried to contact me - said he feels bad for doing it to me. but i need to be sure again that he loves me, that he needs me... i also had a painful break up last year but now im sure that im in love with my bf and that i need him
i dont know how to fill in this emptyness, created by our break. dont know how to continue to keep off from calling him, to tell him that i miss him hell...
im afraid that he will take long time before he decides and im VERY afraid that he will decide to stay away from me and be single.....
i need ur advice and ur words of reassurance

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thank u 4ur reoly.u r right.y-day we talked,he wanted to meet this evening "just to dine in the restaurant & chat".i asked if he has made his mind already or it means only that we will meet,chat and go apart again. i had the impression that he wants to transform our relationship that was deep and serious until now into the game of Friends with benefits. Coz he said "come on, i havent thought it thru yet, i still dont know if i'm truly ready to be with someone.but why u refuse to meet? i really want to see u." but see me for what? im sure if i see him again, until he reassures me in his love i would cry and be restless. i would not be able ot have a casual chat about nothing. i need to know that he needs be 100%.
so i told him that. i told him that i see no point in seeing each other until he is ready to have a serious talk with me. that it hurts me otherwise.he said ok and left the chat (we were talking on MSN, horrid tool to solve couple problems....)
i'm so lost, so down. i cry all the time i'm alone and the city feels so empty without him. why everything changed so rapidly? what should i do? did i do the right thing? he has keys to my house and i'm thinking to ask them back in a week, if he doesnt decide by then....
:(
thank u so much for ur support.i need to hear these words now.i have blocked him on my msn and he is there daily almost 24/7.since we r not together seems like he doesnt even go out. i still think of him and still have a hope that he will call and ask me back.
its like there are 2 people in me. one is sure that its over,that he doesnt love me and this was a way for him out of this relationship. another one hopes, remembers how caring and loving he was to me up to the day we had the talk and i gave him the space. and this person hopes that after having all the freedom he needs to take care of his job he is so afraid to lose and other worries he had,he will be back more loving than ever....
i just hope that the 2nd person, who is stronger in me, will not end up heart broken...
u cant imagine what ur support means to me. during the day i have ups and downs.sometimes i feel calm and peaceful.i feel ready to go on with my life with or without him. and at other times all is dark around and i miss him hell. i ask myself what he is doing and whether he misses me - its been 5 days since we last talked. and Valentines approaching doesnt make me feel any better
but oh well, lets see how it goes. i have a big exam tomorrow (still a student) and i well prepared thanks to lots of free time. i just pray that this uncertainty ends soon coz im really no good with it....
he just called me again. wanted to meet, told me so many nice things. but when i asked if he took a decision and that we will not meet until he decides he told me that he is sure he cant invest in the relationship.he cant be with someone 100% right now. and i told him good bye. that i cant.....we talked for 45 min, he begged not to hang up, not to leave him like that, to let him see me from time to time... i refused, said good bye and put down the receiver...
i know its good that its over now rather than in 2 years, i know that i did the right thing, i know that its just another break up and everyone goes trhu it. but it hurts so bad. i was so happy with him. he was so in love, he wanted to be together, we had so many plans... and now im alone. again. another break up. another heart break. it will heal i know but it kills me that yet again it didnt work out. i ask myself if it is my problem or its just a second guy who is afraid of commitment... yet i never asked him for anything, never talked about the future, never ever behaved in a way that could freak him out...
i cant imagine not seeing him again, not being togehter, continuing my life like i never knew him. i cant. i just dont understand how can someone do that - he is sure that he doesnt want to lose me, that i'm the best. and yet he doesnt want to be a part of a couple...
i feel so hurt... i just dont know what to do... i told him that its over and asked not to look for me - its best if we dont see each other at all....but right now, in my apartment i dont feel that strong at all... i just want to crowl and die...
thank you so much for being there for me all these days... u do feel better reading your story. i cant even imagine how u went thru ur break up after being with him for so long...
i just have one question to u, before i turn the page - my close friend told me just now that she is sure he freaked out and that this last conversation when i really pushed back will make him think and possibly rethink it - when he will finally realise that he lost me and its serious. she said she is sure that he will reappear in 3-4 days and will try to persuade me again. that i should meet him at that time but stay firm. and she thinks he will crack up then, not to lose me. coz he said himself many times that he is too attached to me to lose me. and if this doesnt happen, it will mean that he is fine losing me and all those were just empty words..
being completely honest, it gave me a little hope and calmed me down. i started looking at it as a game - he knows that i will not accept his rules, so will he accept mine? (mine being normal relationship like we had before...).. or is it completely stupid to think about this possibility and its better to grieve it now and refuse it all
once again, i cant even express my gratefullness for ur support....
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