i gave him space by taking a break
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| Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:24am |
we've been together 3 months - so happy & strong.in love,almost living together. but the past 3 weeks i felt that something is worrying him, that lots of things have changed in his life past months (he finally got a stable job, etc.)and that he needs some space...lots of reasons for that but i guess the main one is that he needs to realise whether he is ready for a relationship with me, a new one to him after being 4yrs (2 of them unhappy and full of fights) with another girl
i left on sunday, he cried.... on tuesday he tried to contact me - said he feels bad for doing it to me. but i need to be sure again that he loves me, that he needs me... i also had a painful break up last year but now im sure that im in love with my bf and that i need him
i dont know how to fill in this emptyness, created by our break. dont know how to continue to keep off from calling him, to tell him that i miss him hell...
im afraid that he will take long time before he decides and im VERY afraid that he will decide to stay away from me and be single.....
i need ur advice and ur words of reassurance

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u r right. SOOOOOOOO right. i calmed down this morning. erased all his sms, deleted him from my msn. he doesnt like emails normally so i hope he will avoid them in the future too. i will try to continue to live as if he has never existed. and will return to him only if he proves me that he is worth a second chance.
i went thru a horrible break up last year, when my bf of 4 years cheated on me. at that time i didnt believe in love anymore. its just painful to realise that this guy was not YET AGAIN my soulmate. oh well....
i would love to find a book u mentioned. but i live in paris and US books are available by shipping only..and u pay 'paris price' for it :), i.e. exaggirated one!! but i'm interested in it so i will see what i can do
u see, i'm even smiling - it's all ur support
I understand about being disappointed again that yet another relationship didn't work out. Before my last 5-year relationship that I mentioned, I was in a 2.5 year one with a guy who I was best friends with for years, but then it developed into a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. After we broke up I thought there was no way I was going to meet anyone else that I could feel that way about, but then I met Mr. 5-year and thought wow this it. And of course that ended even worse. Now I'm dating a new person who seems really nice....but the point is, if this guy doesn't work out either, yeah it will suck, but I'll just keep moving on with my life until I DO find the right person. That is all you can do. Better than staying with someone who doesn't treat you well or doesn't want the same thing you do, right?
Did you try Amazon.com? I know they ship internationally, but I'm sure there is some extra fee that you have to pay. Otherwise, just check the bookstores by you for breakup or relationship books...there are so many out there and they REALLY help. Good luck and you will get through this!
here i am after almost a week...i signed up for sports (took annual membership) and see friends almost daily, i study, work and try to keep my mind off him. but its so hard. last thursday i asked him to return my keys putting them in the mailbox. he still hasnt done it... and i wonder why... i realise that im still hoping that he will be back, that im truly waiting for him in my heart, that im a silly girl who is desperatly in love with him. i find excuses in my head and really want him to call me today
its valentines. all my friends are out of dinners or planning romantic evenings. i dont even know what i will do today - maybe will go to the gym...plus this rain that doesnt stop ...
its weird - up until today i was good and today my wave started crashing... i ask myself if i did the right thing, if i wasnt too tough on him, if i should contact him (but what will i say?? give my keys back?? it will kill me..)
You need now to put yourself first, not give away your power by having your every breath and moment ruled by him. Be with friends you care about, go to events that interest you, get involved in work and volunteer passions, treat yourself (i.e.: a massage) - live your life as if he weren't in it. If you get asked out, go.
And we're always here for you as well
What you're going through is completely normal. The road to healing is not in a straight line. You will have good days and bad days. You might be doing well for a while and you hear a song or see something that reminds you of him and you go on a crying binge...perfectly normal. Eventually in time it will get easier. You won't cry as much and you will feel happier and things will be clearer because you will be healing and moving on. Unfortunately you just have to go through this phase and let yourself feel the pain. It WILL go away.
Good for you for signing up to do new things and keeping yourself busy. This is probably the most important thing you can do for yourself. Remember, plan the weekends ahead so you know what you will be doing and will be busy and will have less time to think about and dwell on him.
If you can forget about the keys, that would be the best so you don't have to have any more contact with him. If you can get the locks changed instead, do that. Yes, it is just an excuse so you can see him or have any sort of response from him. Of course you are going to still have hope...up until a few months ago, I still secretly hoped my ex would email me. Every day I would come into work and turn on my computer wondering if I'd see his name there. It wasn't until I blocked his email, that I was truly able to move on. I finally realized that even if he did email me, I was never going to hear what I wanted from him. It just upset me and set me back in my progress. Now I come to work and don't even think about it. If he really wanted to contact me, a blocked email would not stop him. But I don't think about that because I don't care anymore. You will feel this way eventually too.
Yes, you did the right thing and no you were not too hard on him. You have a right to want a person who really loves you and wants to be with you. If he doesn't want that, then you can definitely do better. If he really wants to be with you, I really don't think there is anything you could do that would prevent him from coming after you. Don't contact him! Be strong, believe me I know it's hard. As for V-day, who cares, just pretend like it doesn't exist...get take out, rent a movie (not a romance!), take a bath, read, just keep busy and before you know it, you'll be waking up tomorrow and it'll be over. You're doing great....don't contact him!
:) thank you, i needed to hear that. went to the gym this evening - feels good after intense exercising + stretching. today is almost over. i didnt contact him
as for the keys - i am renting this apartment and dont have a right to change locks. plus my landlord is coming to paris next thursday and needs the second set of keys to arrange electrician's visit on the following monday. if he doesnt return me keys by next thursday i will have to think of something. but i guess its too early to worry about it...
thanks again, the 'weakness' moment passed
:) sad, i feel like a patient who goes thru crises periods - when she needs urgent help
y-day he called me. said that he is leaving my keys and that we should meet some time
i decided to never answer his calls again and to move on...
That's a good decision. When you spoke to him it set you back a little, right? That's why NC is the way to go. It's hard, but worth it. Meeting him would have really set you back. You might have felt good at first seeing him again, but eventually you would want more and if he can't give it to you, you are back at square one.
It sounds like you're doing very well though, hang in there!
Absolutely.
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