I get dumped and he calls first

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
I get dumped and he calls first
6
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 11:30pm
I don't know what to think. My ex who I cared for very much dumped me and then called me two days later asking how I was doing. He then tells me that HE is not doing so good. I then said we'll both get over it and asked him not to call me, I would talk to him when I was ready. The funny thing is that now I'm wondering what is going on. I don't understand why he would break up with me and then call me to check up on me. That just hurt so much more. What am I supposed to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 1:00am
Kudos! I think you did the right thing.

I honestly think that he called because HE was lonely. If you allow it, I think he would just be using you...meaning have all the benefits of a committed relationship without making a committment. All break-ups falter before actually breaking off. I think that's what was happening when he called...

You are so brave to have told him not to call.

I think even though it might hurt a lot now, you are better off by putting it completely off.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 10:24am
Well perhaps he just wanted to see how you were doing. Sounds like he cares for you. At this point, don't do anything. Don't call him, don't email him - leave him alone. If he really really wants you back, make him WORK to get you back. Don't make it easy for him. Make it tough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 4:26pm
Hello yoyom!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 4:26pm
Hello cassieray!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 6:18pm
Hi, and sorry that you're going through tough time. My feeling about this situation is this: No one wants to be the "bad guy"-- and as the breaker (i.e. your ex), he feels he can make the break-up more amicable by contacting you. From his point of view (if he's a nice person to start with) he feels responsible for the break-up (and indeed he will, and that's the burden of the breaker). But what he may not understand is that he no longer has the previlage of "making you feel better", just as when you two were together. Chances are that he has no intention of getting back together-- he just wanted to ease his guilty sub-conscience (he may be genuinely concerned for you, but he may not know what this is doing to you, hence subconscience)

You did exactly the right thing for yourself even though it may have been tough. Kudos to you! By drawing your own line, you're reclaiming your control over your feeling and space, and that's what you need! Please treat yourself kindly and allow yourself to feel whatever you want to feel without putting a label on it. Focus on something and stick with it, even something simple like starting a journal (that's what I did). It'll take a while but I think you'll find yourself moving on when you turn around (like reading back on the journal) and look at how far you've come. :)

Best wishes,

Daikon

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:36pm
I think its about being the "good guy"...you know, makes him less of the villan for breaking up with you.
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