I get it-I hope!
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| Mon, 09-12-2005 - 4:18pm |
Well, I have come to a point where things I hope are a little clearer in the dating world. Since my boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago I am seeing how messed up the relationship actually was and what I don't want in the next one. It is a good feeling when the love goggles wear off and you can see things for what they truly were. I soon found out after we broke up that he was hanging out with his ex A LOT! I had found out about one time and when confronted he said he didn't know how to tell me because he knew how upset I would get. I mean, duh!! The whole thing was worse because he never really took me out!! We went to bars here and there, but mostly we just "hung" out. Everyone say how wrong this was and deep down I knew it too, but liked him so much I thought this would all change. And guess, what it didn't!!
So I have learned that you cannot change someone's behavior, they can only do it for themselves. If a guy is not asking you then yes, he may like you, but he is really "just not that into you." If you think there is something wrong than there probably is. You KNOW when a guy is truly interested in you. He will make it known. Sometimes we want it to work so badly we turn our heads away from the obvious. I am struggling with all this everyday but this makes it a little easier.
I met this guy at the gym and we met out a few saturday's ago. I see him at the gym and he calls here and there. BUT, he has yet to ask me out on an official date. Why? I don't know and you know what while I would like for him to I am not going to waste my time wondering why and waiting for the phone to ring. It will only be a waste of my time and if he ever does it might be too late. I shouldn't have to wait around crossing my fingers that this time he will ask me to do something. That's all. Thanks for listening!!

Hi gal...
Thank you for sharing your insight. Not only is it wise, it's helpful to hear especially since many of us have been in that situation.
As for your gym guy, are you really ready to start something? If you are, then send the right signals his way so he knows you're interested. But if you're not really ready, I would hold off until the "right" time.
Thanks again! Please keep us posted on your progress.
Bklynchik-
Thanks for the reply. I was hoping to put other people at ease as well as myself. Sometimes its just so hard. As for gym boy I continue to see him and he would say, "I'll give you a call later." He never does and thats fine. Just don't say it if you don't mean it. I know guys are chicken but seriously just stop wasting your breath. When I left the gym last night he just said, "Talk to ya later." That was better and at least he wasn't lying to himself as well as me. So moving right along.
That is a very sensible post you wrote.
Men are so flakey and they change their minds like they change their underwear! :-)
That's why it's always good to know if he's interested enough. There's a guy that I see quite often. We smile, exchange pleasantries but that's it. That's been going on for 5 mos. now and frankly I'm tired of it! He already knows I like him, I made it obvious enough but he won't take it any further. This leads me to believe that a) he's not available or b) he's just not that into me.
Life goes on!
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Just to keep it fair, I think women change their minds just as often... but I've noticed (being a woman) that if we treat a man the same way--ghost on him, don't call, etc--we seem to justify it for some reason!
Have you noticed that too? :o)
I agree with your assessment of your ex. You can't change someone. Also your gut does know whether a relationship is right or not, if a guy cares for you, if a guy is "worth it", etc. And you're right- when we start making all those justifications, hoping he'll change, allowing ourselves to be treated with less than full respect - well, then pain is bound to follow.