I have a BF, but I like someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
I have a BF, but I like someone else.
3
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 1:30pm
I met another man back in June 2004 but did not get to know him until August 2004. Since then, we've hung out several times. Most of the times, I see him at my sister's place. He's friends with my sister's BF and now lives with them as well. We flirt sometimes but I never let it go further than that.I like him and he likes me. There's definitely a connection between.

The problem with the situation is that I already have a BF. I've been with him for almost two and a half years now, but he's been in Florida for the past five months to attend school and I haven't seen him for the past three months. I live in Georgia, about 400 miles away from where my BF is so it's only about a six hour drive. His reason for not visiting is that he is too busy with school and work. I understand the importance of that, but I want to be important to him too. I know I can always visit him but I can't for the same reason he won't come see me. He refuses to take time off work even for a day. I love him and I want to be with him but I'm also curious about this new guy. Yet I'm not ready to give up my current relationship for a new one just yet. At least I don't think I am. I don't know if I'm hanging on to him just because I've invested so much of myself into our relationship. It scares me to start all over with somone new. Then again, I still care about him alot.

I haven't told my BF about this other guy. I think he has a right to know. But I don't want to ruin things between us because I think I'll end up choosing him in the end anyway. Still, I keep having doubts. Who do I choose? I'm so confused, so torn between these two men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 12:32pm
I was the the Boyfriend.

Take it from me. If you HAVE to CHEAT on your man, break it off first.

Monogamy is respect. If you think you want to stay with your Bf, then STAY AWAY from the other man. Show some backbone, and do the right thing.

COMMUNICATE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 8:32pm
I think you & your boyfriend have to realize to keep any relationship strong & healthy, you have to communicate, spend time together & be willing to sacrifice. You have to ask yourself if you are interested in this other guy simply because your needs have been neglected by your BF or do you truly have an interest in him? I think before you pursue anything with this new girl, you first need to have a whole hearted conversation with your BF about sacrificing or deciding if you all will date other people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 6:29pm
You didn't say how old you are...I always think that if you're torn between two or three, then really you're not interested in any of them! What you like is elements of the people, but not the entire package.

I wonder about your age because you seem very naive on one thing. Just because you are in a commited relationship, it does not mean that you will never be attracted and curious about other people (and this goes for your partner, too!). You've chosen the steak on the menu, but when the waiter brought out the angel hair pasta, that looked pretty good, too...there's nothing wrong with it. It's going to happen. The thing is that when you're ready to be with someone exclusively and forever, you don't do anything about it...and you keep it to yourself. Because really, what is the point of telling him there's someone you're really attracted to?...to hurt your partner and create a lot of drama?? Put yourself in his shoes...how do you HONESTLY think you would react??

So consider why you think it's ok to tell him? To hurt him and to make yourself feel better. Better you should deal with figuring out whether or not this is the relationship for you. You don't have to force yourself to stay with your boyfriend. I think you sound young enough that if you're curious about someone, you should check it out...but never do anything that's going to cost you some sleep. Don't flirt, don't kiss, don't go out until you've gotten rid of your boyfriend. If I were your boyfriend and I knew that you were sticking it out with me because you thought I was the better choice and not because you were EXCITED to be with me...I would dump you.