I have a crush

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
I have a crush
5
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 6:11am
Well i have a crush on this bartender at this club that I always go to.My question is how do I get over this crush or how long does one normally lasts?I really REALLY like him but he told me recently that he and his ex have been talking and they might get back together so he really doesn't want to start anything with someone else..which makes perfect sense BUT I still find myself talking to him.This past Friday I asked him if we could spend an hour after he got off of work..just to talk.He said that he couldn't because he'd be getting out really late.Well I've decided to stay away from that club for 2 weeks and a few days and then go back and see if he is back together with his ex.If he's not ..do you think that I should ask him out for the next day to be more specific instead of asking him if he wants to go out sometime?He says that he still has my number from awhile back when I gave it to him so I know that he hasn't 'lost' my number which makes me feel good BUT I'm trying not to get my hopes up BUT still hoping that I get a chance with this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 7:23am

honestgirl31...

Pianoguy suggests you "leave Fantasyland and get on with your life!"

There's nothing wrong with having a friendship with ANYBODY! But you're expecting a reaction that isn't likely to happen?

If you can walk into the bar and carry on a conversation with the man...without a hidden agenda or desire...then do it! If you're expecting more than this...find yourself another "watering hole" where the bartender is unattached.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 9:27am

I would let it go and not ask him out again. IF things with his ex don't work out and IF he is interested in giving things a shot with you, he'll ask you. You don't need to pursue him because he already knows you're interested.

Staying away from the bar for a few weeks is a good idea. Also, try a new hobby and/or fill your social calendar. The more you have going on in your life, the less likely you are to fixate on this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 9:59am

I totally agree with 'ioveranalyze'.

If you feel not going to the club will help you, then do so. But if you are going to be allright, then you could still hang out at the club...wish him a hello or nod at him...stay casual and get on with your time with your friends there. I think doing this will make him respect you more.

You certainly don't need to ask him out again or initiate any more talks on dating. If he is interested, he will certainly approach you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 1:42pm
I don't want to sound cold, but I don't think he is interested. He has your number and hasn't used it, he talks to you about working things out with his ex. He is a bartender who makes a living on tips so he probably puts out some extra charm. I am not trying to say he is sleazy or anything, he could be a nice guy. But given what you wrote and you asked him out to talk and he declined. It seems very clear that his interest is elsewhere. Better to get out before you get attached further.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 3:03pm
yes, find a new club to go to so you won't be tempted by him
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