I have only 3 months
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I have only 3 months
| Wed, 03-10-2004 - 12:05pm |
Dear Dr. Ruth,
I’m in love with a guy for 3 years but I'm confused I don't know how he feels about me. I met him in college. I had only one subject with him, that's when I started to love him, and it was the only. He was the only man ever that noticed me & looked at me admirably although I'm fat (now I’m making a diet). I used to stand next to his classrooms and just look at him with a smile and when he figured out that I like him he did the same things too but he never said a word. Once he tried to talk to me, he came close to me stared at me right in the eyes, but then he just stopped and went away without saying a word. I said he might be shy so I went to him many times and talked to him about college activities, he joined one of them but soon he withdraws. I can't make the first move because I believe it's wrong and I read about in the article "1o traits men want in a girlfriend" besides it's a matter of pride in my society. Also it is known that those girls who make the first move are not looking for a long-term relationship whereas I am looking for marriage. Weeks later, whenever he sees me he runs away & figured out he was seeing a girl but she dumbed him after about a week My life turned into hell because I felt he was just playing all that time but the shock was when I knew that that girl looks just like me but thinner. After that everything got back to normal or maybe less than normal. These days he either treats me as a stranger and other times he shows me he cares. Now I’m attending regularly one of his classes just to see him because it’s our last year in college and after graduation I’ll never see him again. What am I supposed to do? If I try to get closer to him by asking him questions on the subject he will no I made them up. In addition, we believe in my society that there can never be friendship between a man and a woman because one day they might have sex by mistake and friendship will be destroyed, and “Cosmopolitan” once made a questionnaire which proved that. Therefore, I can be neither his friend nor his friends’ friend to ask about him. Only 3 months left and I’ll graduate. Help me. By the way I’m 21 years old.
I’m in love with a guy for 3 years but I'm confused I don't know how he feels about me. I met him in college. I had only one subject with him, that's when I started to love him, and it was the only. He was the only man ever that noticed me & looked at me admirably although I'm fat (now I’m making a diet). I used to stand next to his classrooms and just look at him with a smile and when he figured out that I like him he did the same things too but he never said a word. Once he tried to talk to me, he came close to me stared at me right in the eyes, but then he just stopped and went away without saying a word. I said he might be shy so I went to him many times and talked to him about college activities, he joined one of them but soon he withdraws. I can't make the first move because I believe it's wrong and I read about in the article "1o traits men want in a girlfriend" besides it's a matter of pride in my society. Also it is known that those girls who make the first move are not looking for a long-term relationship whereas I am looking for marriage. Weeks later, whenever he sees me he runs away & figured out he was seeing a girl but she dumbed him after about a week My life turned into hell because I felt he was just playing all that time but the shock was when I knew that that girl looks just like me but thinner. After that everything got back to normal or maybe less than normal. These days he either treats me as a stranger and other times he shows me he cares. Now I’m attending regularly one of his classes just to see him because it’s our last year in college and after graduation I’ll never see him again. What am I supposed to do? If I try to get closer to him by asking him questions on the subject he will no I made them up. In addition, we believe in my society that there can never be friendship between a man and a woman because one day they might have sex by mistake and friendship will be destroyed, and “Cosmopolitan” once made a questionnaire which proved that. Therefore, I can be neither his friend nor his friends’ friend to ask about him. Only 3 months left and I’ll graduate. Help me. By the way I’m 21 years old.

You say you're in love with this man. And in saying you're in love with a man you've barely met (someone you can't be friends with on the premise that you may mistakenly have sex) is a very childish/fantastical thing to say.
Keeping in mind the restrictions of your culture, which seem to be quite stringent, there's really not much you can do in the way of showing this man your sparkling personality. My only real suggestion, since you can't make the first move is to have a friend tell him that you like him. This second-hand account might give him the push he needs to ask you out. But, I have to say, that I think you will need to overcome many of your rigid beliefs in order to maintain a relationship with this man, since it seems that he's not the type to make the first move, and you're not able to do it instead.