I know he is toxic..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2007
I know he is toxic..........
5
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 6:05pm
I started dating this guy "Sam" back in May of 04. I had dated many guys before him but he was my first real love and the relationship started out wonderful. He was very attentive, good listener, romantic, great in bed, just my all around dream guy. I went into this relationship knowing he would be leaving for 3 months for marine boot camp. I was fine with that, and dealt with it relatively well while he was gone. I was faithful, and wrote him almost everyday. When he got back and his training was finally through, our relationship stayed healthing until about a year into it. After that everything went down hill. He became controlling, paranoid, and we would fight about a lot of stupid things. However, we still had this amazing passion for each other! Even though we fought a lot there was never a day where he didn't say and express how much he loved me. After another year went by, things got a little worse and in the middle of one of our fights I decided to tell him I wanted to break up, he preceded to grab his hand gun (not pointing it at me or himself) and asked me " what do you want me to do with this?" I was so in shock that I just walked out of the house. One month went by and we where broken up but still continued to see and treat each other as if we where still together (but no ties no label. WE WHERE SINGLE). So during this time I started seeing a lot of this guy "Tom", a guy I had dated before "Sam", and I decided I was gonna move to Cal to live with him and give our relationship another try. "Sam" caught wind of this and showed up at my apt at 2 a.m. threatening to slit his wrist with his pocket knife if I didn't let him in. I called the cops and he left. another month went by and the moving date was getting really close for me. The thought of moving and not being able to see or talk to "Sam" was really making me rethink the whole moving away with "Tom" idea. It finally bothered me so much I had to meet up with "Sam" and talk to him about how I was feeling, and to see how he felt about. So we met up for dinner. I told him that if he promised to seek help for his anger issues, and seriously try and change his ways, I would cancel all my plans and stay for him. He agreed. One week later I realized that things with him had only worsened, however the thought of leaving him crushed me!! Even though I was being treated like crap. Finally 2 months later, we decided to
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 10:03pm

You have been broken up for 2 years and you still think of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 5:47pm

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the reason people maintain ties - either real or emotional - to people who are toxic to them is because they are getting something from it - good or bad - they still get something from it. If something is 'done' or 'finished' there is no need to revisit it or maintain contact with it - whatever 'it' may be - in your case 'it' is a relationship/person.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 7:53pm
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! No one has ever put it that way to me. I will def act on your advice. You don't know how releaved I am to know there is actually somthing I can do to fix this :) thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2007
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 8:01pm
THANKS!!! I think I am def going to look into getting a therapist. I really don't want to think about him anymore, so something must be done! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 12:11pm

Good for you.