I know what I should do but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
I know what I should do but...
8
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 11:07am
Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. He was married when we started dating and that wasn't fun, in fact it was very messy and he kept leaving me and coming back etc. Still he got divorced last year and all was well-ish. I don't want to write a novel here so I'll stick to the main point: at the end of last year I went to pay my rent and discovered my cash card gone and account empty. The boyfriend (fiancee at the time) had looked at my pin-number and took the money. I went and found my boyfriend because I wanted the money back and we've been living together while he repays the money. He's absolutely intent on working things out but I'm not so sure. We're moving into separate places soon and I'm thinking...I dont know what I'm thinking. I just can't/won't make any decision on this so I'm in limbo, not really committing to one thing or the other. I'm also upset he couldn't tell me he was in such financial trouble... Ok that's it, just wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation or what you think. Thanks x
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 11:48am
What your boyfriend did was not only a violation of trust but a criminal act.

Lilypie Baby Days<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 11:51am
Oh boy...is this the same guy who has basically vanished upon you having an abortion?

Lilypie Baby Days<

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 2:43pm
I am sitting here in SHOCK at your post!!! He STOLE your money, and you're LIVING WITH HIM?????

What the heck are you thinking???? End this NOW and press charges!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 6:45am
Hello, thanks for your replies. Hopefully I can clarify a bit: there was no affair, the divorce was going through then his ex decided I was the cause of everything and I should be named etc. She eventually let the divorce carry on through. And I haven't had an abortion.

In answer to your other question...good question, I'm not sure. He hit rock bottom and did something awful and I wanted to help because I didn't want to see him get any lower.

Thanks again x

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 6:48am
Hi, thanks for your reply too. I went and found him and brought him home because I wanted the money back and figured the best way to see this happen was to keep an eye on him. It's worked out well so far but we're going our separate ways on the weekend - but I'm not sure how separate.

I did try to press charges when it happened but the police weren't too fussed because he'd only stolen £200-odd. Apparantly they concentrate on bigger amounts?

Thanks again x

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 9:32pm
Hi Bex, sounds like your guy is going through a lot of stuff. You have a history where you have been the grown up to his growing up in many areas. If you have lived together, then you have probably had "future" discussions. As you go "separate ways" you are left defining a different outlook to your future. Try to take some time to examine your values and deal-breakers. Many people feel trust and money issues are important. My personal deal-breaker is DISREGARD for me and my feelings. My two kids have cards to my account for emergencies, and even in an emergency they ask first before sliding my plastic, and they are kids! So, a full grown man would be dealt with harshly by me I'm afraid.

There are reasons you are still involved with this guy...this board is a good place to examine them.

Hugs,

lightship

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:15am
Hiya lightship, thanks for your message and you're pretty much spot on with your comments which is quite amazing really! He certainly is going through a lot, and has been since his marriage broke down (and probably before). And I have really had to watch myself as I had started to act like his carer/mum - but now if something happens with him, I dont try and fix it, I let him sort it. We're moving into separate places and then I'm away for 3 weeks so it will be a good time to get clear headed and try and figure out what I really from this. And get some deal breakers because they seem good.

Thanks again x

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:06pm
Keep us posted on this...I would really like to know what happens.

Lilypie Baby Days