I love him but I'm afraid
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I love him but I'm afraid
| Sat, 06-05-2004 - 3:10pm |
I haven't been here in a while, which I guess is a good thing 'cause it means my dating life has been going well. I've been dating this guy, S, for about 2 months and I'm in love with him. This is the most compatible relationship I've ever been in and we're really great for each other. He's smitten with me, which is very obvious, and we try to spend as much time as possible with each other. It's kind of long distance because he lives over an hour away, so when he comes to see me, he usually stays for a couple of days or sometimes more. I can't go over to his place because his mother won't allow him to have a girl overnight. (don't ask) Anyway, since we met online (we met through yahoo personals and we met in person after about 2 weeks of chatting), we've been in touch almost every day, and since we started dating, we talk to each other every single day if we're not physically together. He is an amazing guy. Best boyfriend I've ever had and he treats me like a princess. I've wanting to say that I love him for about 2 weeks now but I've been unable to get the courage to say it. I guess I'm waiting for him to say it so that I know he feels the same. My instincts tell me that he does but a part of me is very afraid that he's not in love with me, not yet anyway. Anyhow, I was particularly cranky last night and missing him, and feeling down about this and that. He wanted to call and cheer me up but I didn't let him. I don't want to be dependent on him to cheer me up. I guess this whole wanting to be completely independent and not wanting to be emotionally attached comes from a very painful breakup with my first love, which was back in Dec. (I'm completely over this guy so that's not an issue) I feel like I'm holding back on so many levels because I know what it's like to hurt now. Anyway, he told me last night that he can't come and see me until wednesday or thursday (thursday is my birthday) because he's busy until then. So, I told him that I don't want to speak to him or talk to him online until I see him in person. He said I wouldn't last 24 hours, and if I did, it would not make him happy. I don't know what I was thinking or what I'm doing with this. Maybe I want to prove to myself that I'm ok without him, that if he left me, I would be fine, or something like that. I don't know. I feel very confused today. Any words? Thanks.

if you find saying those three words hard (and i understand you very well as it's been only several weeks since you got together) why not to replace it with other words which mean the same but are not as shocking to some? perhaps you already do it but if not, tell him in other words everything love means to you (care, trust, being special, etc, etc). When it's time for you to say the L word, you'll be very comfortable, trust me. Until then, let it flow and show him your love through actions and other words.
it's funny, i just posted about fear of new love after painful breakup and here i am giving you a piece of advice :) it's always easier to be on a giving end, isn't it?
good luck. hold on to what makes you happy!