"I love you" but going to Vegas???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
"I love you" but going to Vegas???
6
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 12:51pm

Hello everyone:

I need some advice. A guy I have been seeing for just a little while (I have known him for about 3 months) is making me a little confused. I know I am not looking for a serious relationship right now because I have been dating someone for the past 4 years (first one for almost 3 years and the other for over 1 year) and I think I need some alone time.

Well, this guy has been great to me, really sweet and considerate, but I want to take things slow. Last weekend he confessed to me that he is in love with me and wants to be in this relationship with me. While it does not scare me that he feels that way about me, I am a little hesitant to enter a new relationship so soon.

I asked him today what his plans are for labor day weekend and he said he just decided to go to Vegas with a bunch of his single male friends and just party and get drunk (ok a little silly for someone who is almost 28). That is fine but what really threw me off was that he added “you know what they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”….which is definitely NOT a comment you’d make to someone who you want to be in a relationship with and get to know better. So now I am not too sure what to do. If he goes to Vegas (with that comment made, nonetheless) I do not think I can continue to see him. I have no problem with him going to Vegas since we aren’t a girlfriend/boyfriend type of deal (although somehow HE seems to think that) but his comment really makes me wonder what is really going on…any ideas???
~T~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 1:17pm
I bet he doesn't really mean much by the comment. It's a commercial tagline after all and one of those silly things people say. I wouldn't worry so much about the comment as the fact that he is getting serious and "in love" with you when you expressly told him that wasn't what you were looking for. His feelings are far more into this than yours are. Since you are not ready to be in a relationship, you owe it to him to tell him that ASAP and end it in order to keep him from getting more attached to you and hurt even worse if it were to go on even longer.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 1:21pm
well the thing is, I have already told him that i am NOT looking for anything serious right now but he still keeps on calling me "his gf". This is why I am confused...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 1:54pm

It's a stupid commercial. I'd ask him straight up what his plans are while he is in Vegas. If he plans to employ a prostitute you might want to know about it so if you do enter a relationship with this man you will know to wear a full body condom.

I have a good friend that has twice visited South American countries to employ prostitutes and after each "vacation" the American women he was dating at the time dumped him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:43pm
I still chalk up the "what happens in Vegas..." to the commercial. It's what people say. I imagine he has no intention of "cheating" on you per se - you can't cheat on someone IMO if you are not in a committed relationship to begin with but to him you are gf/bf and to you, you're not. All I'm saying is he's obviously not getting the message that you want to keep it casual. You need to either dump him because he is more attached than you are ready for or you need to get used to him being your boyfriend. He's not going to have it any othe way.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 4:07pm

I agree with Vexer...if he's saying that he loves you, he's not getting the message that you want things to be casual! He thinks you're just saying that, and/or that he can change your mind.

Under those circumstances, I think the responsible thing to do is end it. It's one thing if you told him that you wanted to keep things casual and he was at least *pretending* to be going along with it (i.e., you didn't know he wasn't ok with it), it's quite another to know clearly that he's not ok with it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 7:13pm
I think he thinks that because we are sleeping together, it must mean we are boyfriend and girlfriend, which i told him i am only really looking for a physical relationship and also friendship...It is a tough situation since i would love to have him as a friend and also because i hang out with our mutual friends as a group sometimes...thanks ladies for your input, really appreciate it!