I made a terrible choice...
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| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:18pm |
ok... i am really desperate for some advice/answers...
me and my boyfriend.. well.. 'we're taking a break now'... have been together for 8 months.. it wouldve been 9 on the 24th of this month..
we were having a long distance relationship and later into our relationship we didnt talk as much on the phone as we used to.. it was really taking its tole on me and i was beginning to think that he just didnt care about being together anymore... one night last month i was really upset because i thought everything was falling apart and not really thinking i got online and made a singles profile on a dating site and they had these things called 'nice breakers'... i sent one to a guy... i was on the site maybe 5 minutes total and that was the end of it.. the next day i didnt even think anything of it... just that night i was hurt and was looking to fill a void or something.. i cant even explain my actions to myself... about a month later someone sent me a message from the site asking if i wanted to chat... i had completely forgoten about ever making the profile until i saw that email... i opened it just so i could get the link back to the site in order to DELETE the profile... however i forgot to delete the email.. both me and him gave each other our email passwords as a sign of 'not hiding anything'... he got into my account and found the email message from the website...
he considers that to be cheating.. which i guess it is.. and i am not trying to make excuses for myself.. i know what i did was wrong... he says he doesnt know if he wants to try and work things out or not.. that he knows that if we get back together he wont be able to trust me and it just wont work out...
the thing is though.. it wasnt like i went out and slept with somebody.. i never even had a conversation with anyone... it was a 5 minute thing because i was upset and hurt...
6 months into our relationship though he came to me with a secret that devistated me... no it wasnt that he cheated... but it was still something that he shouldve told me from the very beginning of our relationship but he didnt... he even admited afterwards that it was wrong that he kept it from me...
i know that what i do based on his actions is my choice.. and what he does based on my actions is his choice.. but do you think we can work this out... do you have any advice on what i can do to make him believe that i only want to be with him..
thanks..

I think you ought to tell this guy exactly what you told us here about what motivated you to do what you did. It is up to him to figure out whether he can deal with it or not.
In the future, I would suggest you don't share your password with boyfriends. There is no need for someone else to read your personal email and messages can be misconstrued.
If the two of you decide to stay together, you need to put a lot of effort into working on the trust in your relationship. You don't need to exchange passwords to establish that. I don't think anyone should be reading anyone else's email anyway. It's not a matter of "knowing" what that other person's writing about. It's a matter of knowing that they are being honest with you without you having to give each other an OK to investigate emails.
just an opinion