i like a man that drives me nuts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
i like a man that drives me nuts.
8
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:34am
OK so i really like this guy. He is 25 and i am 23. The only thing is that he constantly talks about himself.

Example: Lets say something really cool happend me during the day. I am shocked and surprised. So i am all excited to tell him and as it turns out its not that special because the same or somthing similar happened to him and he wastes no time telling me about it.

This absolutly drives me crazy that I cant tell him and i dont feel like he doesnt care what i say. You can see in his face he cant wait for me to quit talking so he can share his story. I feel bad because i don't want to listen to him all the time so believe it or not i do that same damn thing. Not until he starts doing it though. I tell you there isnt anything the guy hasnt done. Now i know guys need their ego boost and crap but come on we cant carry a conversation its more like who has the best story. Oh yeah and he cant handle beign wrong.

Example: I will prove somthing right. In a nice mannar of coures and he will say something like "oh i just said that because............or just kidding. He always has an excuse. Now i dont have to be right all the time nor do i need everything about me but geez louise.

So has anyone had to deal with a person like this. What is going on that he always needs to be the best. I have said stuff to him b4 but aparently it didnt do the job. I have been pretty blunt about it. do i give up. this guy is really cute and smart but this little flaw is really getting to me. PLEASE HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:48am
Maybe the guy was a shy child and now just wants to share the stories? Wants to share that he's had the same things happen in his life. Maybe he's NOT trying to *one up you* but rather, just point out that he's done the same so he can feel like he fits in. Does that make sense?

Of course there is always the show off.

But really look deep into why he's saying these things. Maybe you could stick up a little for yourself and say, "I want to share something with you, but I don't want to hear about your experience in it today, ok?" Don't be arguementative, just straightforward. Tell him that you are feeling a little unsure about sharing your experiences with him because then he has to share those same stories back and sometimes you just want to share yours. Ask him to share DIFFERENT stories about himself.

He may not realize it, or he may be very sore about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:32pm
kboynton23...

Pianoguy thinks Alison's previous answer is "right on!" But with due respect to her wisdom...it sure sounds like the man you are dating is VERY NERVOUS!

Does the gentleman squirm in his seat when you talk to him? Does he get up and move around? Do a few chores while you're trying to explain something that makes you happy? In other words---is he HYPER? Maybe...a kinder question should be: Is HIS concentration somewhat limited?

If any of the above applies...you might want to give yourself a little 'space' from the man? He'll ask WHY...and if you want, you can describe how much his behavior is bothering you? Just be prepared in the event he gets angry, nasty, or asks you to leave!

For you it's a choice of what is more important. Having a "cute boyfriend" who will gradually drive you insane? Or a man who knows how to 'listen to' (and appreciate) your

life...as well as chat?

Pianoguy--who would have suggested that you purchase a large roll of ducktape to solve your problem, but I've picked on your b/f enough today!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:39pm
ha the last part made me laugh!! he isnt real hyper or anything just a little anoying. he is smart as well as cute i dunno. Maybe i shouldnt nit-pick!

Thanks for your reply!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:35pm
I know what you mean and it drives me insane too.

While I didn't have a boyfriend like that, I knew someone just like this. Every story you tell them, they have a bigger and better one and then for some reason, the entire conversation that YOU started is turned to their whole experience. It's annoying. I had gotten to the point where I wanted to ask this person, what haven't you done or experienced? Didn't want to be rude, though.

I think it's a case of being very insecure in themselves and also trying to impress.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:36pm

I don't think this is

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:41pm
I went on a date with a guy that talked non-stop about himself and how he was so good to his ex and her kids. I kept thinking to myself "Dear Lord, I thought you asked me on the date How am I ever going to get out of this one?" That was until he called me by my best friends name!! I never went out with him again. Dude, what were you thinking??
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:57pm
Thank you for replying!! I hope i can get past it then maybe he will be more comfy w/himself.

Thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:00pm
My ex-boyfriend was the exact same way. His entire life was a competition. If I wasn't feeling well, he'd say, "Oh, you have no idea what sick is..." and continue on to tell me about how sick HE was feeling. If I made an accomplishiment, he one-upped me every time with an accomplishment of his. Everything I said ceased to have meaning as soon as it hit his ears -- you could almost SEE his mind grinding away to dig up SOMETHING comparable (and preferably better) to say as soon as I was finished talking. It is annoying, rude, neurotic and surely a sign of a huge insecurity. Why does he always have to be better than you? Why can't he just say "congratulations" or "wow"? Why can't he just let YOU have the moment for once and keep his mouth shut? Is he afraid that if he doesn't tell you something in return, he'll look stupid? What's his problem?

Me? I'm a pretty straightforward, honest, blunt (if it works) person so I'd just ask him outright: are you aware that you do this? Are you aware of how rude and irritating it is? Why do you continue to behave this way? Maybe he's just socially inept? Can't hurt to ask....

Good luck!