I met a girl online and now wants to take a break from dating, but she's open to hang out as friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2013
I met a girl online and now wants to take a break from dating, but she's open to hang out as friends
Thu, 03-21-2013 - 2:32pm
I met a girl a little over a month ago on a well-known online dating site. She is a writer and from the moment I came into contact with her, it became clear to me that she was a very busy person. (The first time we talked about meeting she said she wouldn't be able to meet me until 2 weeks later). She is a free-lance writer and she works for different publications.
Despite her being busy, she has always been very engaged (on one occasion she canceled one week because she was sick and then she suggested that we meet the Monday after so I wouldn't feel like she was flaking out on me, and she put me on the first day she thought she'd be okay to make plans.
We have met twice: The first date went well and I think the second one went well too. On our second date, I told her I was going to be away for a few weeks visiting family and she suggested that we meet again before I leave. When we parted ways, she said she would send me a text to let me know that she got home alright, which she did. Three days later, I sent her a text simply asking her how her day was and I got no response.
Two days later (Saturday), I tried calling her but, because I've been having connectivity issues, I was not able to leave a message, so I sent her a text message instead. In the text, I simply explained to her what happened when I called, told her that I wouldn't be going to the city that night (on our date she said she was going to be out with her friends to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, and I said that if I was going to be around in the city I'd let her know); and I also told her that if she wanted to have a drink  this week coming up, I could do Wednesday.
She responded the next day saying that she had had a great time wit her friends the night before, and she was taking it easy on that day (Sunday). She also said that she had decided to take a break from dating since she felt as though she needed to concentrate on her business and herself right now. She also said that she thought I was a great guy and she enjoyed hanging out with me, and if I were still interested in having a a friendly drink with her when I got back from my vacation, she would like that.
I haven't responded to her yet.
What do you think I should do? Do you think I should give her some time and give her a call after I return? Should I send her a text before I leave? I don't know what I should tell her.
Thank you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

First I think you need to decide how you feel about this?  Would you be ok w/ just hanging out with her occasionally as a friend?  If so, then yes, call her after your vacation and ask her to have a drink.  It seems like she was being clear about what she wanted, although who knows if it was really because of her schedule or if she just wasn't that attracted to you but didn't want to say that?  But with her busy schedule and then you are going away for a few weeks, she probably thought it was better not to try to get into a dating relationship with you right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010


Hi. As Musiclover12 said, the big question is do you want her just as a friend. I wouldn't count on anything more. The "I'm taking a break from dating" line is likely her way of saying "I'm just not interested in you romantically or sexually.'' I'm sorry to be the one being blunt with you. However, most women ( and men too) aren't  clear and direct when they're not interested.


Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

I think you need to go enjoy your vacation and not think about her until after you return.  She doesn't sound all that interested in anything more than what she can fit into her schedule--which precludes an intimate relationship with you.

give her a call in about a month after you return and sound her out... if she sounds excited to hear from you, then go for that drink.  If not, then end your interest in her and move on.