I met someone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2002
I met someone...
8
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 3:23pm
I have met someone...and he has completely fallen for me. He is very respectful of my limits and everything. I don't know what to do, how to feel, or anything. I know that I really like him, but I am having a hard time understanding how he can know how he feels in such a short time. We had spent less than 12 hours with each other, and he said he knew. I'm sitting here scared, apprehensive, excited, missing him(I'm in Madison, he's in Milwaukee), and confused. I feel everything at once. I am unsure as to what I should do. I'm thinking just to proceed slowly and get to know him better. He is an amazing person. He has been married, but his soon-to-be ex-wife dumped him over a year ago. They had a daughter together, who is now two years old. He is 22 years old and I am 19. I have to at least let the events of this past weekend sink in. It is a lot for me because I even have a hard time comprehending that someone can really care about me that much. Does anyone have any stories or advice or comments or anything to share?

~Tweety~

P.S.~I am often home to visit family and during school breaks, so it is somewhat long-distance, but sometimes it isn't.


Edited 3/1/2004 3:26:55 PM ET by tweetyness

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 5:36pm
I think that if his divorce has been final for at least a year you need to find a way where you can see him consistently - about a week - for at least 6 months to a year before making a decision whether he is the one for you long term. I would not talk to him on the phone more than a few times a week for a half hour or less, keep the emailing to a minumum and keep your expectations in check since you know very little about him other than he is prone to making sweeping statements about feelings based on very little information - and it sounds like you are more into the whirlwind of it all then him because you don't know him too well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:14pm
I would be flattered for him to say it, but there would be a lot of scepticism...how can you KNOW someone and KNOW that you have feelings for someone you hardly know? I thought that was lust...you can't really develop feelings for someone you don't know. I think it's suspect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 9:24pm
Watch out! Do you know why he and his wife are getting a divorce? How long have they been married? I'm guessing not long, since their kid is only two and he's still very much a kid himself. Maybe she knows something you couldn't possibly know - that this guy seems nice at first but likes to hit later on. How long have you known him? I'd have to know that to give you any advice. But what I'm reading now gives me the creeps - and 19 is VERY young to be taking care of your boyfriend's child. I wonder if that's what he's really looking for...

-Goose

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2002
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 2:22am
I think your advice sounds good. I got drawn into this too fast, and I'm now trying to figure out how to get out and exactly how far out I want. I'm not sure if I just want to be friends or if I want a less serious dating relationship. I'm afraid that if I still leave it as a dating relationship or good friendship that he'll be looking for anything that could lead to a relationship like the current one. I just want to get to know him better for now and see if later I would want to have a more serious romantic relationship with him. I saw him again this past weekend and he basically wanted to spend every waking moment with me, but I want to be able to have my own life and spend time with family and friends. He didn't go to a thing with his friends because he wanted to spend time with me. I think he's too attached too quickly, but he doesn't think so. Any idea how to go about remedying the situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:40am
My guess is that if you tell him you need space, and that quite frankly he needs his own space too, he will walk away. And if he does that, you should look at it as a possitive thing. I was dating someone a while ago that fell in love right away (not after 12 hours, but he fell really hard really fast). After about 6 months his feelings just died away without warning. Later I read something in a magazine that said guys who fall right away usually have a crash and burn type experience with love. They feel it strongly at first, but it doesn't last.

I think that makes sense because you can only really love someone you know, and it takes months or years to really know someone. And when someone gives up doing things that interest them or spending time with friends and family to spend 100% of their time with someone else, that creates a very unhealthy relationship. When that happens I think it means they "need" the other person to fill them up, make them feel whole. And that always fails because if you can't make yourself happy, finding someone else to make you happy is only a temporary fix.

J

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 4:37pm
Hey Tweety Darling,

The truth of the matter is, he is hurting from his wife leaving him and is looking to fall for anything that comes his way for two reasons.

1)to make him forget about his wife and what she did to him.

2)To probably make her jealous.

Often in these situations, people are not very stable and there could be alot of insecurities and emotional toll involved. Do you want to go through that. Do you want a clinger.

As the saying goes, easy come, easy go. He might use you right now to numb his feelings. However, once he is over his ex, he might just disappear from the face of this earth.

Keep us posted!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 6:45pm
I think you got it just right when you said

"I'm thinking just to proceed slowly and get to know him better."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2002
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:09am
I am breaking off the relationship with him and trying to maintain a loose friendship. I hope it works out. I'll try to let you know what happens. I finally talked to my parents about it and that helped a lot.