i need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
i need advice
2
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 7:54pm
I recently learned that this relationship I had for 2 years was a real mess. The guy I was with told me that he needed time out of no where, and he's been ignoring me for a month, and now I found out that he has a new girlfriend. While we were going out, we hung out with eachother so much that it was too much, but it became a bad habbit that we didnt even know we were doing it anymore. It was our routine. But due to that I had lost so many friends, and they told me to leave him but I didn't listen, so now I'm left dumped and friendless. I got so caught up in him that I forgot who I was and I also lost myself while I was with him. I learned a lessone from all this and I realize that he's not the one for me. However, now it's so hard for me to make friends and I've never had trouble untill now. I get so NERVOUS, SHY, and SCARED around people, all sorts of people, even little kids! When I finally do stop being so nervous I push them away, or I'm just not able to open up to them as hard as I try. I really do try too, but I just dont know how to be me anymore. All I know is that I'm not the same person I use to be but I cant seem to find who I am right now. I don't know what's wrong with me but I don't think it's healthy. I get so scared that I even start to shake. I just want to be able to be myself again, and not be so scared..Any advice????
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
In reply to: roxydoll2k4
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 9:36am
was it a good relationship because I am in a similar situation. My issues arent meeting new people, my friends luckily all yelled at me while my boyfriend and I were still together so now that we have broken up they are all supportive of me. Why did he break up with you? Was it for another girl? Or did it just so happen that he got a new girlfriend after the breakup. How are you dealing with the breakup. My ex and I still speak and it offers me like a cheap high where I feel great after but then I feel awful not knowing what hes doing ect. But as for meeting people, friends ect, what about work, or school? In terms of finding yourself, why dont you try to engage yourself in activities that you used to be involved in before you dated your ex. Go to the gym, that helps too, it gets your aggression out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: roxydoll2k4
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 10:23am
Did you have social anxiety before this guy? Of the two, were you the one that was outgoing and talking to people or was that him? I'm not a professional, but what you're describing does seem a little outside of people go through after a split. After a split, I think it's normal to be at a loss because you have so much time on your hands and then in your situation you build your life so much around this man, that you lost touch with who YOU are. That's something a lot of people do and that's not in the realm of worrisome...but having anxiety to the extent that you're describing in regards to connecting with people, even children...I would head to a therapist.