I need a date so so bad!!!!! help please

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
I need a date so so bad!!!!! help please
13
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 5:32pm
I haven't been on a date in 7 months except for 2 really horrible dates that just don't even count. I couldn't usually find someone decent to go out with on match.com back in the city, but now that I live in the armpit of north carolina, match.com has been USELESS (I never see one person I want to ask out). Please someone help me, I am going nuts, all I want is a stupid date with a cool, quirky, cute (to me), EDUCATED guy who has never been married and has no kids. that's all I want, just a date to make me feel like I am doing something. I am so desperate. Please someone tell me how I can get one, and fast. I am at the point that I WILL ask a stranger out, I just need some guidance.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 5:37pm

First, you have to stop wanting it so badly. Guys smell that and will run the other way. Have you tried any other online services? We have a great Online Dating board here that can guide you if you do.


What activities do you belong to? Do you go to school? Give us an idea of what an average day in your life is so we can guide you a bit better...


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 5:51pm
I'm a grad student and work out or run everyday. but that's about it- I don't do any of the things I used to like anymore because we don't have them here. My grad program is 80% female and dating one of the few guys would be like incest. I have been to graduate and professional speed dating twice to absolutely no avail. Not only do I use match.com but also yahoo which is even worse around here. I haven't been in a position like this for a few years when the prospect of dating is so hopeless. I am honestly thinking that if I have time next weekend, I am going to the nicer grocery store and staying there until I find someone to ask out (grocery stores are about all we have around here). If you have any advice on what I could say to a stranger, that would be good.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 6:08pm

Does Craig's List cover your area? That's one option to get a date FAST...you can put whatever requirements you want in your ad and ask them to send a pic (of course you can't guarantee that a guy who responds to you will be HONEST or that you'll hit it off in person). You need to screen your responses heavily (Craig's List is not for the faint of heart) but it can be fun...I've met some cool guys through it.

But I'm not sure how much fun you can have with dating if you're feeling desparate.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 6:17pm

yeah I guess I have tried craigslist before...but I run into the same problems I have with the other sites- I don't think there's anyone I would find interesting in this whole area. I guess I'll put one up there again.

>But I'm not sure how much fun you can have with dating if you're feeling desparate.

I just get this desperate feeling when I start to feel like there is no hope of going on a date again. I haven't felt this way in a long time, but this is what the suburbs do to me. I feel completely cut of from the rest of the world. I'm not really desperate for a man, just desperate for some reassurance that I can get a date if I want to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 6:53pm

Have you tried any singles group in your area? I did

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 8:28pm
I take serious offense to that. I am actually in no way, shape, or form immature (except for that I am clueless as to how to ask someone out). I need a date because I like dating, a lot, and I can't get one, and I dislike the lack of control. I'm in grad school, occupation of time is not an issue, trust me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 8:40pm

Fluff, you know I love your advice but the "grow up" part was a little harsh. I see where you're coming from, but it was a tad too raw hon. :o)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 8:50pm

Hi, I used to live in NC when I was finishing up my medical training. All the educated, single, happening guys are in the research triangle. Have you thought of widening your net? I suspect you are south east of that, but it's an easy drive. Give it a try. If you want educated, you need RTP. More PhDs per capita than anywhere in the US!! And a lot of them are single. Just be careful, there are creepy educated people just as there are creepy non-educated souls.

Take care!

Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:15pm
haha actually, I live in Durham and am in grad school, but you can't meet people on campus, and the people off campus (i.e. on match.com) aren't all that educated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 7:42pm

Sister, you are at Duke or UNC and you can't date anyone on campus? You have to find someone outside of your major. The men are falling out of the trees down there. Plus, there are oh so many intelligent guys in the RTP!

I only wish while I lived there that I hadn't wasted so much of my time on the lost soul that I was dating (met him in my first week there and was smitten; I have some pretty dang poor taste in men). I was only at the hospital for two years, but man, even ole me got asked out a bunch. Kind of like Grey's Anatomy, working endless hours, getting close to a lot of people just because they see your hair standing on end and your baggy scrubs.

I'd suggest definitely seeing what there is in extra-curricular life on campus, even going outside of your interests. I met a great guy in a history class I took as an audit, however, sigh, I was trying to make the useless relationship work, so I turned him down. So much for being loyal. I still wonder...now almost 4 years later...

Have FUN! You are in a great place, so don't put pressure on yourself, but get out there. I'm now in a wonderful part of the US, but am WAY too educated for most of the guys I meet. I think they are great, but I guess I intimidate them, so they run away once they figure out how much education I have. Enjoy being down there with the tees, trees and PhDs!

Chick

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