I Need to Get Over This
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I Need to Get Over This
| Fri, 10-08-2004 - 10:00am |
I wish I could just put this out of my mind, but it just keeps bugging me. I went out with a guy three times. During the second date he hugged and kissed me, peck on the lips, face, etc., for two and a half hours. He called later wanting to come over to my house. I declined. He was the first man that had touched me in over three years. Nothing for three years then two and a half hours of "mauling". I feel rotten. I think he feigned affection for me to get me into the sack and it just keeps bugging and bugging me. Any advice?

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
First, it takes 3-9 months for a person to get to know YOU...outside of "how your attention to make makes me feel about myself".
So there is no way in my estimation for anybody to know for about a year realistically, of continuous but not "unlimited/uninterrupted" contact to "know you" as a person.
If a person wants a relationship in thier life - they'll want that before you come along. They want it and are dating ot find it. And it is a good idea to date alot of people at the same time if you can emotionally do it - because that isn't you reviewing this person as your "onlly potential option" and ding all sorts of justifying and rationalizing even if they don't meet your standards or needs.
But "sex" is just an act of physical gratification. If you get emotionally attached to "this person" because you "want a relationship" prior to meeting them and sex winzips that "bond" to "this person and a future with them" - you need to hold off having sex...till you know them better as an individual.
In that sense - you'd likely to have date several months before considering sex as an option.....men will do that.
Put it this way - a relationship isn't a goal. It doens't make you what you're not. And it's not a 'focal point' to structure your life around.
So you really need to have a great life on your own as a single person...so that you're not sitting there going "i'm nothing and have nothing,a dn will never have anything or do anything fun until I get a partner in life that is going to provide me with interests, goals, ideas, values, standards, diversions and companionship."
From that position, you can objectively view the people you date - to see if they share your standards...not just "meet your needs' - that with a "time served" attitude are going totally unacknowledged, unmet, unaddressed, and rejected as valid by you....until they come along, start kissing you for several hours, want to go further and you go "umm, sorry, can't I have to have an guarantee of a relationship before we cna have sex."
You're NEVER going to get that guarantee.....loo at the people who've been married 25 years and get a divorce.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I hate feeling like I got "run-over" but I guess it could have been worse. Next time, if there is one, I'm going to set more boundaries.