i need to get over him . help
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| Sat, 03-18-2006 - 11:52pm |
hi, im 21 years old, my name is ashley.
last year, June 2005... i fell in love with a man who is also 21. although he hid his feelings from me until about november...i still loved him.. we had lots in common. we shared similar values, simliar views in life, were raised very similarly, u get the picture.... well we had become great friends and one night in november, he hurt me. he told me i was too much stress in his life... he said we shouldnt be friends anymore... i cried in front of him...but...that was it...to calm me down he told me that well be friends again, but i was causing alotta stress cuz he was stressed out and he blamed it on me...then he also told me that he had feelings for me but we both needed to let them go (i dont know y) i mite have pushed a relationship upon him too much...and thats what caused the stress, idk... either way, after that fight, i was angry.... so i dated this guy that liked me a lot... he told me that i should date him to forget that guy.. so i did... 3 months later... i still love the first guy.... i broke up with the new guy bc of it.. were still broken up, tryin to see if things mite work, but i just am not feelin it.....for the 3 months we dated, i didnt talk to the first guy.. then about a few weeks ago, i called him... he calls me back 4 days later... we talked for about 10 minutes..asked how the other was....adn then thats it... i messaged him through AIM a week later.....same thing.....talked for 10mins then he hada do work.. its like he doesnt care... the things he said to my good friend when i started dating the new guy was "how could she do this to me, how do u think it makes me feel" well i dont understand how he could say that, when i gave him nothing but my love for 6 months, and i barely got recriprocation....to this day i still love him... y do i love him still when hes the one who should suffer ... y does he not miss me at all? or does he and he just doesnt care anymroe cuz its been too long? he knows my bf and i broke up....i dont expect him to want me anymore, i just wanna be friends....and thats too much to ask of him... from september-november id spend nites with him when id be over there.. nothing happned, cept twice we kissed and most the nites wed just hold each other... it would feel so right... its like we just ended without a cause..... will i ever get over him? how do i? u think he still at least THINKS about the good times? it was weird... he said he dint know where he was going in life, as in, what grad school.. he doesnt live in this state so he applied outta state....i secretly hoped he wouldnt get into a school in his home state, bc i still hope that one day ill run into him somewhere here... lo behold , he got rejected at a grad school in his home state and got accepted to the one here, and hes going here... idk what to do... please help me forget him:(
-ash

You can't be friends with someone you still love and want. So please don't fall into that trap. It will only wind up hurting you again.
I find his comments to be baloney. I mean think about it, he tells your friend all this stuff of how you're hurting him, yet did he care about hurting you? No. Do you think a person who really cares about you would have told you to get out of their life? I think what happened is that the guy lost control of the situation and started feeling bad for himself and that's why he made the comments he did to your friend.
I think the question to be asking yourself is why are you holding onto someone who let you go? Why do you think you love him? Is it because it bothers you that he doesn't want you? Is it because you didn't have a say in the situation? Real love is different than infatuation or desire. Real love is safe. This guy is anything but.
To forget him, stop calling him. Cease all contact. Don't fool yourself by thinking you can be friends. You still want him so you can't. Keep yourself busy. Tell you friends to not share anything he says. Throw yourself into some really great hobbies. Go out. Stay away from him, period.
Hope this helps. And feel free to come here and vent.
Kerry