I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
I need help
4
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 9:59pm

There is a guy at work that is technically one of my bosses. He has a lot of charisma and lately I have found myself becoming very attracted to him. A couple of years ago he hit on my pretty intensely at a party in his home while he wife was in the other room. I was shocked and reminded him he was married and that wasn't ok. Things were fine after that I chalked it up to him being really drunk. Last year after my office Christmas party he hit on my again. When I mentioned that we had been over this he said "yeah but I would have had you if my wife hadn't been there". I told him he was wrong and I was apalled that this was still an issue. Here is the problem, lately I have developed some serious lust for him. He is still married and for some reason I can't find a good reason why I shouldn't sleep with him other than the fact that we work together and I don't date people I work with. I know that cheating is wrong but suddenly I can't figure out why it is wrong and more importantly I really don't care. What should I do? I think I want to sleep with him. Would that be so wrong? I highly doubt his wife would find out and honestly I feel like that is his problem not mine. I feel like if he was really happy with her he wouldn't be coming on to me in the first place. I can't believe I am considering this. What is wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: sydneyyork
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:28pm

Karma has a way of kicking us later on, down the road... if you wouldn't want it done to you, don't do it to others. You know he's married. Respect that even if he's not doing so. Rise above the lust and be the bigger person...


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: sydneyyork
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 9:30am

Lust is a tablespoonful of biological compulsion mixed with a cupful of curiosity. You already know what this guy is like (unreliable, dishonorable, sleazy), so that part of your curiosity is assuaged. Sexually, do you have any reason to believe this man would be a stellar lover, beyond his own claims? From your description, he is stuck on himself <>, and uses alcohol as an excuse for his inappropriate behavior. Such men are often selfish lovers. Why would you want an experience like that?

If you are between lovers and bored with the available selection, there is no reason to poach in another woman's territory. Half the population of the world is male, and there is a special one out there for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
In reply to: sydneyyork
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 11:03am
I think he's using the power of suggestion on you. Is this really a guy you would be interested in normally? I doubt it. The thing about affairs is that hardly anyone JUST wants what they represent, a quick roll in the sack, a few furtive moments. Just about every woman ends up wanting more, thinking she can convince the guy to be with her. Sometimes they do, but is a cheater really what anyone wants? This guy's respect for woman is very low, he trifles with their affections. You probably think all you want is sex now, but later if it continues, you'll most likely want more, and he won't be able to give it to you even if he leaves his wife. He won't treat the next woman in his life any better than he has his wife, if he does leave her. Men use their wives "inadequacies" as an excuse for their behavior, because they'd find fault with anyone. Emotionally being with those kind of people isn't rewarding, and the physical, if there's any, is fleeting and empty in the end.
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sydneyyork
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 11:06am

I'm sure it's flattering to think that a man who's made vows in front of God would put all that aside just for you. Don't kid yourself. This guy is willing to cheat because of his values (or lack thereof), lack of morals, and skewed beliefs. He would sleep with your sister if he had the chance. Or your best friend. Or any attractive woman off the street. Believe me, he does NOT consider anyone special except for himself.

If he tells you differently, just remember he's lying to his WIFE, and he made VOWS to her in front of GOD. He would lie to you too in a heartbeat.