I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
I need help
6
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:00pm
I'm seeing this guy for a few months now and I can see a future with him. According to him, he gets a good vibe from me, he can be himself with me, he can tell me anything, that it feels like we've known each other for a lifetime already, in short that we have chemistry, and that he doesn't wanna lose me...BUT he said there's something missing, what? he doesn't know. He even told me that he want me but since he once said that he'll only go to bed with a woman he really love, he's the perfect gentleman. Yet he flirts with me and teases me.. holding my hands, hugging me, giving me a kiss on the lips whenever we're together. And he still continue to look for someone, which he doesn't know or he's just ignoring, is that it hurts me so. He said he's ready to settle down and have a family. I feel like he's stringing me along so that when he can't find that 'special' someone, then I'm good enough for him. I really like this guy, in fact I'm falling for him. I don't know if I should wait for him to wake up and look what's in front of him or just let it go and move on. We're not getting any younger anymore and I wanna have a family too. If he doesn't feel anything for me, how come when we're together he acts like he's my boyfriend?People keeps on telling me what a nice pair we make, they thought we're a couple. Help?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
In reply to: hugs1006
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:47am
Hi Hugs,

A good friend of mine once told me a saying that has stuck with me through my years of dating....and has seemed to work really well. That saying is as simple as:

"Don't chase 'em, replace 'em!"

This meaning, (in my interpretation of your situtation anyhow) is that if this guy is not willing to "step up to the plate" and make a well-founded commitment to you and your emotions, then he is not the one for you. If he has to second-guess whether or not to give his heart to you, would you really want a relationship with him anyhow? You may "love" him as a friend, or even more than a friend, but if the love is not reciprocating back to you, you will continue to harbor a feeling of emptiness. As they say, there are "plenty of fish in the sea" and I'm sure there is one out there that will just love you to death without reservation. Hope this helps....good luck to you! -GAPeach

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
In reply to: hugs1006
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:46am
It is sad when you love someone, but has to give him up. But, remember it won't change the fact that he is not yours no matter how much you love him. Easy to say move on, but much more difficult to do so. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
In reply to: hugs1006
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 8:44am
If there is "something missing", the best thing you can do is let him go.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: hugs1006
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:34am
How true Wendie- "time killer".

The only reason he's acting the way he does towards you is that you're allowing it. He'll probably continue to act that way until his something better comes along and then he'll drop you. Do you really want to be there for that? Be glad you're not actually dating the guy- he would be stringing you along in a relationship for years probably.

So what do you need to do? YOU need to wake up and see what's never going to happen with this guy. If he's told you there's something missing- BELIEVE HIM. He's never going to find it in you. So quit letting him be all kissy wissy with you, quit talking to the creep and find yourself a real man who can appreciate all the wonderful things you bring to the table.

You don't need this frog, find your prince.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
In reply to: hugs1006
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:32pm
I'm sorry to say this, but someone needs to. That guy is playing with you, and the reason he is doing this cause he know he can. You letting him be free, is only telling him it's k,use me. I know he might be a good guy around you, but at night calling his buddies and say wow i got this girl on smash. Sorry i just relating to something that happened to me. I knew this great guy wonderful everything i wanted, but he use the same excuss that his looking for miss right. Yea, i had fun and it was a great learning experience. But at the end ure left alone and his there finding himself. I was so blinded by him that i wanted so much from him, that in the end i got nothing from him. i wanted to marry this guy. Since he didn't choose me, i ended up feel that maybe there was something wrong with me, that i wasn't good enough. But then i got smart and said forget him, why be with a maybe. Why don't you turn the pages on him tell him that ure looking for mr. right and ure not sure his the right one. But he might say something u want to hear so choose on ure gut feelings. I think u know the answer to ure own question or you won't be asking. You want to leave him but ure using excusses to stay. This guy that i knew told me the only reason he did that, so he always have a second choice,but i wanted to be first chocie. Now u need to choose!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
In reply to: hugs1006
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 12:16pm
Thank you for all those who replied to my problem. I appreciate everything that you've said. Point taken, time to move on. Being blindly in love, you always need an impartial side to tell you what you already know inside but can't accept. But not this time, you're all right, if he can't see what's in front of him;someone who's willing to give him 100% then he's not worth it. Again, thank you very much