I need help in helping a friend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
I need help in helping a friend!
1
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 6:51pm
Hi. I am in desperate need of your help. I can’t do it anymore. You see, my best friend (let’s call him John) broke up with his boyfriend a long while ago. John broke up with his partner because he thought they were drifting apart and that his partner wasn’t making much of an effort. Since they broke up, my friend has been a pathetic mess. At first I was always attentive, listening to his needs and telling him it’s going to be alright. But now after months since the breakup, he is still mopy and tells me he is breaking down. I have had enough! His grades are dropping, he is destroying his relationship with the people around him. I can’t see him like this. I’ve tried to be harsh on him, as well as being nice. I’ve tried saying that they weren’t good together (which is extremely true), and that he should get over it. John says he was “in love”, but I certainly do not believe so. He’s been infatuated with the guy he was dating even before they went out. He needs to get a grip of himself. He is not doing anything to help himself (ie. play sad songs so he can cry some more and ignore his friends) and I don’t know what to do. He keeps telling me that I don’t understand anything because I’m a girl and that I know nothing about gay relationships. I understand where he is coming from…. but it has reached the point where neither of us can bare it anymore. Please…. I need some advice. I want him to get on with his life.

Thank you for your ideas and support,

Max.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 6:42pm

Hello max, welcome to the board!


While your interest in your friend and his well-being is admirable, it is not your responsibility to "fix" him. While he may be hearing you he is not listening to the point where he can realize the value of your help. Until he does, your advice is going to fall on deaf ears.


But, sometimes the way you can get a person to do more is for you to do less... in other words, you have told him how you feel... now, step back. The rest is up to him. You may not like what is happening to him but you are meeting resistance by trying to advise him.


Here is another board that may offer more substantial advice than you may find here... stop by and visit them... Friends and Family of GLBTIs.


I hope this helps.


tg

Terry Owens