I need more than just help. lol
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| Fri, 12-01-2006 - 1:06pm |
Wow I don’t even know where to start. I use to work at this company and was going through a really hard time with in my personal life. I made really good friends with our older IT guy. We started to sleep together. Our work was very high stress and we both used each other as a break from reality. I just got out of a long term relationship and was having fun. Shortly after, I found out he, (the IT guy) has a very long term GF and they are planning on buying a house and moving to another state together. I for some reason unknown to me didn’t stop things when I found this out. We are still sleeping together. I know karma will get me…whatever. Trust me you can’t make me feel any worse than I already do. But surprisingly that’s not my problem. About a month ago I stopped working for that company and changed jobs. Once I stopped working at my old job, that by the way is about 90% guys all around my age group, they started contacting me and taking me out to party. So I go out one weekend with one of my old co workers and we have a blast. We go back to his house and since I’m too drunk to drive he lets me crash at his house. Nothing happened. I thought we had a great time but then kinda never heard from him again. I didn’t care, that’s exactly why I didn’t sleep with him. Well the next weekend one of the managers was throwing a thing at a downtown club for my old job but invited me since I never really got the chance to say goodbye to everyone. I get there and the drinks are flowing and I notice that the co worker who I spent the night with the weekend before is all over this random girl he met in the club. I didn’t care just figured that gave me a free pass to have fun that night. Which I did. I started talking to one of my other co workers that is a lot older than me. About 11 years, but you couldn’t tell from looking at him (matter of fact I made him show me his ID) we drink way too much and jump in a cab and go back to his place. We stayed up all night and talked, listen to music and drank even more. So I didn’t get the chance to sober up and get home. So he let me crash at his place. Once again nothing happened but there was some type of connection between us. A few days latter I invited him to my new company’s X-Mas party that’s coming up and he said yes. So flash forward about a week latter, I get a text from the IT guy I’m sleeping saying we need to talk. We meet up and he starts laying into me saying that I can’t be doing “this” with his friends. That it’s not fair to him and makes things awkward at work. I don’t see how since no one has any idea what’s going on between us. BTW this would be a good time to mention that my mom works there to. So he starts telling me that it’s hard enough that he has to face my mom on a daily basis but now having to look at two other guys that have also “slept” with me is worse. I told him no sex had happen and so did the other guys. He comes back and tells me he see no difference between sleeping in a guys bed and having sex to him. I see a huge difference! So I start telling him that is he wants some one to give rules to and keep tabs on, go home and do that to your GF. But I’m not her and therefore I don’t have to answer to you or follow any rules.
So this is my question. Do I have the right to date around? I am young and SINGLE! Technically I owe no one anything. Or since I am having sex with him should I take his feelings in to account? I am really excited to see where things go with my older co worker. The Holiday party is in a week and I am planning a really nice night for us. The IT guy on the other hand is pissed that I didn’t ask him. I see where he is coming from but on the other hand does he have any right? I’m not his GF and he is moving to another state in a month. And if anything does happen between me and this older co worker should I tell him that something was going on between me and the IT guy? Or is that information that he really doesn’t need to know?
Well thanks in advance for any help you can offer.
Lost~

Hmm... I thought I answered this already, but it must not have taken. Ok, here goes...
First off, the older IT guy who you've messed with has no rights over you and to boot, he's married so how could he possibly be upset? As for you though, do you believe what you did was wrong with him? What is really making you stick with it? Personally I don't see an opportunity for growth here...
The other IT guy sounds ok but it sounds nice and YES, you have the right to date whomever you'd like.
Hon, I'd like you to consider something... something from your post really calls out to me and makes
Your sex buddy seems upset that you are dating his friends. It is absolutely no skin off of his teeth to throw a tantrum, lecture you, and tell you what you can and cannot do. He figure you might listen to him.
He figured wrong. If this man is busy cheating on his fiancee, most likely he has other issues as well. Time to move on to better things. He sounds like a control freak.
I want to thank you all for your replies. Sorry it has taken me a bit to respond but things have been crazy.
To the first poster. I do really get where you are coming from. I know a lot of this has more to do with me than them. I am single for the first time in about 5 years and I’m just having fun. Unfortunately I am having fun at their expense and that’s not right of me. But when I do try to back away and claim that I want nothing to do with them in the romantic sense they claim they don’t care they just like to have a beautiful woman on their arms to show off even if it is just for a night. And I wonder what the harm in that is? It’s a win-win situation. But I know no matter what guys will always look at it with string attached.
To every one else. Yes he is a control freak. But the problem is that I am too. I am also too lazy right now to put the effort into a real relationship. Nor do I have the energy to go on that rollercoaster ride again. He is becoming my safety net. I know I have someone I can turn to when I need too, I have someone for the physical parts and yet there is a line between us that will prevent us form getting involved in the emotional messiness of the ordeal. And that’s her. In a way we both are having our cakes and are eating them too. Because I want in no way, shape, or form, for a relationship to start right now. So I guess I pick the guy I knew that would be impossible.
But more drama went down this weekend. A fellow co worker of our works at a bar and was having a little thing in the VIP room. I got there first and was having a great time. My IT guy starts texting me and tells me he has already been drinking and wanted to see me. I said I’m at the bar with all the guys and to come down. I was not thinking he would make the kinda long drive and didn’t think his GF would let him come down by himself. So I put my phone away and continue with my night. About 6 drinks later I am on a good one, I go check my phone and realized I have missed a phone call form my IT guy. He says I’m outside come and get me. Sure enough he drove down and came to party with us. He has been at a beer festival all day and is already very much buzzed. He comes in, I order him a drink and chit chat for a bit and then went on with my night. I know I drank a lot that night. More than I have in a while but I thought me and my IT guy were pulling it off. He starts texting me and we make plans to have one of my girlfriends come get us since we cannot drive and then go back to my house where he would stay the night. To be honest all I remember is having a good time with him behind closed doors later that night. But come Monday morning I get a call from him saying everyone knows. From what we are being told we where all over each other and not even trying to hide that something was going on between us. And I guess we put on quite a little show for everyone. Neither of us remembers the night like this! I tell him to just deny deny deny! He says we can’t there are pictures and sure enough we weren’t hiding anything. So then we just started saying that “look we both had too much to drink and got a little too friendly, but nothing other than that happen.” The thing is, no one in the office cares enough to tell his GF, most of them have all been there done this and we all have this pack to keep everyone’s secrets. We are in no way worried about his GF finding out and to tell you the truth I don’t think he would really care if she did anyways. The thing is the other older guy ( that I did invite to the party) sends me an email come Monday morning asking me if I have an alternative for the Holiday party for my work. I tell him no and for him just to let me know if he can make it or not so I can plan accordingly. Which I’m pretty sure that means he is going to cancel. I called my IT guy and told him and he started cracking up. He then goes on to tell me that no one in that office will ever look at me the same because I have now been marked by him. Basically stating that if I had any chance with anyone in that office, it’s over with now because they won’t touch me out of respect for him. I do understand this but why the hell is he so happy about it? He then makes a comment saying that this was his plan all along. I was going to be co- throwing another party with my older co-worker and now I’m not sure I want to be involved with it. After that night I’m not sure I want to face them again. I know I can’t blame him ( IT guy) because 50% of it was my fault and the booze. But I just sucks that I feel as though I have ruined my chance with the older co worker. He is a great guy but I can already tell that what ever did happen at the bar did bother him enough to possibly cancel on me. So now I wonder if I should tell my older co worker what is going on between me and my IT guy or if I should keep on denying? I don’t think I will even get a chance to talk to him because I don’t think he will be my date anymore. And now I have no idea what to do with my IT guy. My girls tell me to go tell his GF, I have more than enough proof. But at the same time I don’t care about him enough to even do that. Does any of this make sense?
Please help if you can. Any insight will be worth it!
I'll take this away from all your romantic problems and answer it from the viewpoint of what is good for you. First things first, you need your job to pay your bills. Therefore, your reputation at work should take precedence over everything else. Nobody has a pact not to tell anyone anything and I can assure you that stories about your alcohol consumption and dating escapades are all over the company, not just with those that party but everyone else too, including your boss.
Perhaps it is time to back away from the booze and back away from work parties until the gossip dies down a bit. If this IT guy has a girlfriend and everyone knows it, then you are developing a reputation as a tartlett, sorry to say. Mr. IT guy might not be the one with whom to involve yourself, in fact, I don't think any of these coworkers are a good dating prospect.
If you like to party, and like to date, I strongly suggest you find another group of partiers and dateworthy men that are outside your professional circle. Otherwise you have a lot to lose if you continue with your present course.
Oh and "denying" = "lying" in this case. Don't get caught up in lies, they are trouble.
Thank you for your reply. The thing is this group of friends was my friends long before I got the job with the company. I got referred to the company by another friend/co-worker. But as I stated in my first post I no longer work at the company but still hang out with them because they are my friends. My new office know nothing about any of this so I am not worried about any rumors starting or about my reputation there because it is not my place of employment.
As sad as it is to say this, two year at that company and I no longer believe in love. Every one and I mean EVERYONE has cheated while working at this company. You spend so many long night and stressful day together something is bound to happen. It is hard to stop going out and socializing with these people because as I said I have know most of them way before I got the job. But I am trying to meet new people, it’s just hard because I feel safe with all these people.
Oh and by the way my boss was there. He was too busy cheating on his wife with our front desk girl to notice anything.