I Need As Much Advice As Possible

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
I Need As Much Advice As Possible
1
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 7:57pm
Brief history: I have been divorced for 1 year this month. My ex husband left me for a 22 year old, I am 31 and he is 31 too. I dated my ex 7 years before we got married. I never knew he was a cheater. I met my ex when I was 19 and he was only the second person I had sex with. I had sex only one time before him. After my ex left I was sooo devestated. I didn't think I would ever fall out of love with him but I did(thank god). The problem I have right now is a have basically no self-esteem. I really don't think I'm attractive at all but when I go out I get a lot of attention. My friends tell me all the time how pretty I am from head to toe but I don't see it. And when the guys fuss over me when I am out and think to myself what is all the fuss about. This past spring I had sex for the very first time after my ex. It was with a friend from "the group" who knew of my past and the fact that I wasn't with anyone else but my ex in 10 years. This friend and I had sex several more times and I fell for him....well maybe I did. That is what I'm confused about. I was never attracted to this guy before. Even after my ex left me I wasn't attracted to him. Then I stated thinking well maybe I would like to go out with him but at times I felt like maybe I just picked him because it was easier....ya know, with us already hanging out in the group together there wasn't that akwardness. Well, needless to say this guy was attracted to me but didn't want a relationship. He told another friend that I was a pretty face with a nice body. Of course I was mad because I felt that since he knew of what my ex did to me and the fact that I didn't sleep around that he shouldn't have persued me if he had no intentions of dating me. He did the persuing. When we first started having sex the first couple times just seemed like sex on his part then the third time we had sex the way he kissed me and slept with me felt like he had feelings for me. From a mutual friend I know this guy has issues with women. He once dated a girl for over a year and had sex with her but said the were just friend's hooking up. I remember after this friend and I had sex..... when I woke up in the morning I was happy but I didn't care if I slept with him again or not. It was nice just knowing that I could sleep with someone else after my ex. because for so long I thought i wouldn't be able to.

After I yelled at this friend for persuing me with no attentions I felt better and now I can be around him but I think I like him .......or maybe not. That is what I'm confused about. I wonder if I have feelings for him only because he was the first after my ex., or do I have feelings for him because it is an easy, fun situation with me already knowing his family and us having a lot of the same friends, or do I really have feelings for him because I might like him. Then I wonder if I didn't have sex with him right away and played hard to get if he would have wanted to date me. I'm just confused and unsure of my feelings in general. Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 9:44pm
The first thought that came to mind is that there's a reason for that rule about not dating for a year after your divorce is final...then I thought that there's nothing wrong with dating, but trying to have a relationship is a bit much. You aren't ready...which he knows and is stepping in to show you a good time.

Forget about him...if it's too difficult and confusing, it ain't worth sweating about.