I need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
I need some advice
4
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 6:12pm
I have been dating this man for a little over 5 months and it has been going great. I am truly falling in love with him but I just dont know how to tell him. I know most men cannot express back these words but rather show it in action (which I think he does).

Any advice how to let these emotions go would be greatly appreciated! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:59pm
By no means am I an expert and I would certainly suggest that you take others' suggestions before making any decisions. But if I were you there are two things I would do.

1) Write it down. Write down how you feel and what you feel and why. Even if you choose to tell him verbally, it's easier to organize your thoughts on paper.

2) Make sure to let him know that you don't expect him to "return the favor" unless he means it. He may not be quite where you are yet, and you don't want to put that kind of pressure on him to get there, or to say it. It never ends well. Trust me!

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 4:23pm
I'm in a similar situation. I've made up my mind not to say it first. If he wants to say it, I know I am ready to say it back. But I'd just kind of like things to keep going how they are for now. We show each other we care by the fact we pay attention to each other and how we are when we spend time together. I think our society puts too much weight in the words, what matters is our behavior towards one another.

If a guy isn't expressive in words, I think that means he also doesn't need to hear the words from you to know how you feel. That doesn't mean you should avoid communicating at all. I just think it means some things are okay unsaid.

Eventually I will want to hear it from him, and say it. But waiting for a bit is okay too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 4:35pm
I think men certainly know how, and often do, express emotions - at least in my experience. I am not a fan of saying it first in a relationship. I would assume if he hasn't said it that he is not yet in love with you and decide how long you want to keep dating if that is not established. In my personal experience those three little words have come in the first 3 months will all my serious relationships except one- and that took 8 months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 5:16pm
It's a little along the same lines as "let the man pursue..." if you ask me. In my experience, most men feel more comfortable when they make the first moves. So, personally, I wait until HE says "I love you" first.

The question is, how long are you willing to wait for him to say it without bursting open! You might want to give him an unspoken deadline. For instance, tell yourself (NOT HIM) that if he hasn't said it by the end of your sixth month together, you will initiate A Talk about how well the relationship is going. That kind of conversation may or may not encourage him to tell you how he feels about you. Of course, it could be that he will need more time to decide, and then you will either have to give him more time, or bail.

On the other hand, your guy could be totally cool with women taking a more aggressive approach. Only you know how progressive he is, in that area. If you think he wouldn't feel too pressured, I would say it kind of quickly and nonchalantly, like after a particularly great evening together. You might say "I love you, ya know." And then laugh and move onto another topic. I hope you won't be too crushed if he doesn't say it back.

Good luck.