I need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
I need some advice
1
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 5:53pm
I just need some advice on what to do with my current situation with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1.5 years and when we were first going out, things were great. And then he started having some problems regarding his family and career and now things between him and I are not how things used to be. We hardly spend quality time together and and romance got sour... to the point where I'm starting to think he's not attracted to me anymore. He said he loves me and I believe him, just that the whole romance/sex life is not there anymore. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 4:10pm
I would talk to him about it...but make sure you express that you are looking to solve a problem, not place blame, etc.

Tell him that things between you are generally great, but you've noticed a decline in the sex arena and you want to know if there's something that you can do improve that.

I've been in that situation - in his shoes. The thing was, I didn't know what was wrong! So be prepared that he might not have an answer for you, but he knows you'll be levelheaded about it when he does figure out what's wrong. It might not have anything to do with you at all. He may be depressed, or worried, for example.

The one thing you don't want to do is make him feel pressured. At least for me, the guy kept making me feel like I was doing something wrong by not wanting to have sex all the time, which made me much less inclined to want to have sex. Granted it is a problem, but IMO the best way to handle it in this situation is saying something like "usually a decline in sex indicates another problem, and you want to know what is going on with him" After multiple attempts, this may no longer be valid, but I advise that you start with this approach.

Best wishes!