I need of some opinions!!
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| Thu, 08-17-2006 - 10:31am |
Good morning! Relationship dilemma here, but I am really just confused in the situation. Therefore, I am desperatly looking for an outsiders point of view. Sorry if its a little long.
I am getting into a new relationship, well I think I am anyways. (me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up a little over 2 months ago). I have been friends with this new guy for about 3 years, once we and my boyfriend broke up, he was really there for me and we slowly started to progress into more than friends. We have been out pretty much every weekend for the last 6 weeks, a couple dates during the week and we talk pretty much everyday. I know he had a bit of fear of commitment, from being burned in previous relationships. I was really okay with that fact as I wanted to get to know him a lot better and didn't want to get into anything quickly at all after my break up. He is a great guy, sense of humor, good physical qualities, nice, polite, hard working, all that I could ask for. Here is where the dilemma comes into place... We are great as friends, but I don't know if we would be great together, plus I can't seem to figure him out.
Problem #1: He is not a very good kisser, at all. Is that really something to have to worry about or am I putting too much emphasise on it?
Problem #2: We are very, very different people. We only have a few similar interests, but yet get along great and always have lots to talk about and such. Is that a problem?
Problem #3: His commitment fear is coming into play. I went and spent the weekend at home with him this weekend. I met his whole family and friends from home. When I was alone with his friends, they all kept asking me how long we had been together, and we're not!! We are together, and mine as well be dating, but the conversation about it hasn't come up and we are not a couple. It made me feel really awkward. So when we got home that night, we were laying on the couch and I asked him the deal was with us. He started talking about commitments that I'm going to have in year, 2 years with work and stuff, and he's worried about how they will affect our relationship. But like how much can change in that time frame, that can't really be whats he's thinking about is it?? Also, he said that I was the only person he wanted to be with, which made me feel really good, but I can't help but think that I will be beating around the bush forever with him.
However, I don't feel comfortable progressing further into this relationship until we are actually something. I am finding that I am already becoming attached and I feel like he is my boyfriend. Is it wrong for me to want to have something from this? Unfair pressure to put on him? And how do I tell him that is how I feel?
I'm just confused about things and where they headed. I just don't want to be some girl, that mine as well be his girlfriend forever. And I want to avoid the awkwardness that I felt on the weekend from future functions. If anyone could answer any of my questions or offer any information, I would really appreciate it! Thanks very much in advance. Have a good day :)

nothing_less...
5 different thoughts from Pianoguy...which you're welcomed to accept, reject or ignore:
1. A woman can always 'show and tell' a man how she'd prefer to be kissed. If we don't get it right the 1st or 2nd time...put us through the drill again! We'll eventually give you what you want!
2. If you don't have interests that are similar, how can you expect a long-term exclusive relationship to develop? Most couples have a lot of stuff in common at the beginning, which is why they're called: COUPLES!
3. Don't rush the dating-relationship process. The man has already made it clear that he's nervous about making a future commitment. If you can't handle this aspect NOW, you probably shouldn't even be with him?
4. Jumping from a working relationship into a casual, more user-friendly one is much more difficult for a man who has only 'seen you at the office!'
5. If his expectations don't match yours...END THINGS NOW! Because expecting 'male changes' to happen instantly is like buying the winning lottery ticket! And you and I know the likelihood of that happening?
Pianoguy