I need some tough advice/long msg.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
I need some tough advice/long msg.
12
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 11:36am
I really need some advice. I am single and 35 years old. I've never been married and I don't have any kids. I have a steady, good-paying job, I own a house, a car, and a cat. I am average-looking and a bit shy/reserved. My last relationship was five years ago. No, that's not a typo - five years ago. My boyfriend broke up with me (it wasn't an angry breakup and we still talk) and moved out of town. He's now married and has a child. I haven't been on any dates for five years. At first I thought it was just a little dry spell for me and didn't worry too much about it. I've not been one to date a lot anyway. But five years have passed and while I am not afraid of being alone and I know that having someone won't solve problems, I do wish that I had someone in my life. I have many male friends and they all go on and on about how I am a great catch and they can't believe that someone hasn't snatched me up yet. I am, I think, one of those women that you have to get to know before someone realizes that he might be interested in me. I'm at the point now of not knowing when a man is interested in me. I can't remember what it is like to have a guy flirt with me. I am around many pretty and out-going women on a daily basis and I am quite accustomed to being overlooked even ingored by men because of these women. I feel as though I can't match them in any way so why try. I can't even remember the last time I had a crush on a guy because I feel like I've completely shut down that part of me. Quite frankly, the idea of having a relationship scares me since I feel like I'm really out of practice. I don't have a lot of friends (male or female) and the ones that I do have don't really share my interests. I don't like going to things alone and since none of my friends want to go I just sit at home and watch tv most nights. I know that I have self-esteem issues and I am working on them little by little and day by day. I have a supportive family and they love me. So, do you have any advice for someone who's not dated for five years and doesn't know how to begin?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:05pm
Thanks Erin. This is some great advice - well, everything that everyone has said has been great advice. I think I've always known these answers but it is good to hear them from someone else. I did go out tonight...okay, I'm back early...but I went out instead of coming straight home after work.

It has been a tough few years because I feel as though nothing really thrills me anymore and I can't think of anything that interests me anymore (other than music - I work in the music industry so I'm surrounded by music all of the time). But I'm going to really think about it now. I'm going to think about what sounds like it might be fun and go out and give it a try - take a class or a trip or whatever. I really don't want to be alone on my 36th birthday. Hey, I've got until May - that's plenty of time, right? I need to face some fears.

I hope I can do this. It is so easy to type these words and say that I'm going to change my ways and get out there. It is just difficult to break out of your comfort zone.

Anyway, thanks. I appreciate everyone listening. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:20pm
The only way to be better at something is to practice. The same goes with dating. The more you date, the more comfortable you will be with yourself and with man. I am 27 and have regretted that I missed out the dating scene when I was back in college. After I started working, it was getting really hard to meet guys. A few years back, I started dating a bit more. I met some guys online. One or two that my friends introduced to me. I have definitely learned how to communicate with guys better. So go out there. What are you waiting for? When the right guy comes, you will be ready for him on your date. Good luck!

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