Like I Need Stress!
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 04-22-2004 - 9:12pm |
Now... Don't get me wrong, I've forgiven him for "using" me - *if* that was the case. He's been so "mysterious" I have no idea what his motive was. However, I've been staying clear of this guy latley... haven't e-mailed him, haven't called him. Once bitten, you're the unfortunate one. Twice bitten, it's unfortunate you're none the wiser. So... In church, I walked right past him and didn't say one word to him, and I know he saw me. I saw him look square at me and I quickly averted my eyes. I just pretended not to see him and went on to Bible study. I know it's wrong to snub people, but I didn't know what else to do. What if he did start talking to me? I mean, what do you say to someone who acts like they're avoiding you during the week, and only says hi to you on the weekend when you bump in to each other at church... Then all of the sudden they want to gab? Anyway... That was on Sunday.
Yesterday (Wednesday), he asked me out again. I told him, "I've got a lot on my plate this week, so it's not a good time," even though I really have nothing going on this week at all. I don't want to go out with this guy again and get my hopes up, and then he pulls the same stunt again (not calling, not e-mailing, acting like I have cooties, etc.) But I did leave it open to hope by saying, "but I'll take a rain check," and I said it as politely and sweetly as I could, with a smile. If he's really serious about me, he'll try harder and reschedule. If not, he won't bother. I'm feeling bad for snubbing him, but then again, you teach people how to treat you, also. Do you think I handled it well? Or should I have just given in and given him a chance? Hmmmm... let him work at it, or give him a chance...? What do you all think?

You said in your post that people teach you how to treat them. That's not entirely true--you *choose* how you treat people. Treat others as you would have yourself treated. If you didn't treat someone properly, wouldn't you rather them tell you so you could learn if you chose to? Or would you rather them hide their feelings about what happened?
I think it's time for a talk with him and I think the next time he talks to you, you ought to be honest with him...
Hope this helps. Good luck.
You said he's 23 - maybe he's just not serious? I don't think you should have gotten your hopes up about a simple lunch meeting in the first place. Relax! This is suppose to be enjoyable, not stressful. If its stressful, then you are dating the WRONG guys. He didn't call you beforehand like he said he would, he didn't return any of your calls, etc...whats the appeal of this guy? And why are you calling/emailing him so much? have you thought that maybe your eagerness was a turn off for him...and now, he's interested again b/c you are ignoring him and becoming a challenge?
Sounds like games, games, games. And nobody wins. Be honest, be clear and be direct about what you want. If he can't handle that then he's not ready for the kind of r/ship you seem to be looking for!
Good luck, Go.
PS: your time will come, have faith :)