I need your opinion!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
I need your opinion!
10
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 1:41pm
I started dating my ex when I was only 15. I am now 21 and we still see each other once in a while. Basically we dated for 2 years, broke up because he cheated, and then got back together a year later after seeing each other at a bar. We stayed together the second time for about 2 months...it even went as far as me moving in with him. We were still so in love with each other, but I couldn't trust him. It was too soon so we broke it off and decided to be friends. We still see each other and it has been a year since we broke up for the second time. He has a serious girlfriend and I'm with someone also. But....we still get together. We hang out as friends sometimes, other times we get together as more than that....if you know what I mean. And the passion is still definately there. One night he left me a message talking about how much he appreciates me and that he still thinks of me. What is going on with him? He's in love with his girlfriend, seems to have NO intention of getting back with me....so what is he doing with me?
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 1:49pm

He's having his cake and eating it too.

Why are you allowing yourself to be involved in this? He has a girlfriend. How did you feel about the other girl when he cheated on YOU? Now YOU are that other girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 4:03pm
You are right. It's not like I havn't thought about that before. But I'm still in love with him....it's hard. I guess I don't want to let go.....I just wish I knew if this is what he feels too or if he is just using me. That was my question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 6:11pm
What do you think? How much do you value yourself? That's what's important. It's just like the saying, if he did it to someone else he'll do it to you. Now its reversed. He did it to you, now he's doing it with you. You're in this vicious cycle and you are allowing yourself to participate in his sick game. I agree with the last post, he has his cake and his eating it too. How do you feel after your sessions with him, knowing you were #1 now you're the girl he is cheating with? You said you love him..How do you think he feels about you? What about your boyfriend? How would you feel if he's doing the same thing with his ex? You'll never get over this guy and have a real relationship if you stay in this situation. That's my opinion. Good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 11:39am
You are right, it is a viscious cycle, and I'm stuck! I just want to clear something up first. I have NOT been sexual with my ex since I started dating my new b/f. But...I still hang out with my ex and sometimes secretly wish we could give it another try. I just wanted some feedback on what you guys think he is doing. Using me...? Or could he still have feelings for me and is just not ready to say anything or doesn't know what to do about it....? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 12:26pm
He's the only one who can answer that question. Everybody is different. You need to step back and view this situation without the love glasses, see it for what it really is. You will never give the guy you're dating a fair try, if you don't let this guy go. Remember why you two are not together in the first place. He cheated on you and now he's cheating with you. Do you honestly think if you get back with him, things will change? Ask yourself this question: Is this the kind of relationship that you want? Do you really want to be with a cheater? A healthy relationship is based on trust. I'm not telling you anything new or things that you don't already know. This is just a simple reminder: You don't need anybody's opinion, you should know what's good for you. Be with someone who deserve you.....Cause you are robbing yourself from being truly happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 1:22pm
Thank you for your advise. You're absolutely right. I don't think I could ever trust the ex again. So why do I still want him....? I actually don't have a problem staying away from the ex....except when he calls me. I'm past the point of calling him now but it's like I can't resist when he calls me. Even just to see him, nothing else. Maybe that's a bad habit I'm just going to have to force myself to break....b/c honestly, I am getting sick of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 2:39pm
If you're not doing the calling, STOP answering his calls. Easier said than done, "TRUST ME, I KNOW". You just have to make up your mind about what you want, worth and deserve. Once you get your mind straight about getting off the roller coaster, I promise you, it will get easier. YOU CAN DO THIS. Good Luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 2:57pm

There is something very special and unforgettable about a first love...especially when there is as much history as there is between you and your ex. But if you're still seeing him - and sometimes more than that! -

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 4:23pm
Thanx.....I appreciate that you know how I feel...I need good advice like this instead of critisism. Thanx again
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 5:31pm
I'll tell you why I understand: I met a guy who had a beef with marriage. Let's just say he had a problem with commitment. Everybody knew that little fact except me. Our relationship wasn't the best. Let's just say he knew how to get under my skin, he was a total waste of my time. I knew he wasn't the one but I loved him, so I held on. FUNNY because I never had any problem attracting nice men, I wondered where I went wrong. No one understood why I stay with someone I didn't have a future with. No matter what anybody said, I stayed with him. One day I took off my love glass and evaluate my situation. I ended the relationship on my own time. I had to see it for myself. No amount of talk or critisism was going to do the trick. That's when I was able to see what's around me. Two years ago, I started talking to this good looking friend of mine, he made me laugh a lot. Now we are happily engaged. My point is: If I didn't let this guy go, I would of missed out on THE ONE. I don't want you to miss out on the future, because you're holding on to the past.