I only date losers/jerks!!!
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I only date losers/jerks!!!
| Thu, 04-13-2006 - 9:19am |
What is the deal???
I just got out of a 1.5 yr horrible and abusive relationship. (Thanks for the support ladies!!) Before I settled down with him, I was extremely picky and of course the one I ended up choosing was a jerk!
Now, Im dating again. I had a date last night with a guy I've been talking on the phone with etc. He is nice, successful, attractive enough, we had good conversation, etc. But I was totally bored! He wants to see me again. Should I keep trying?
For some reason I cant get any sparks flying with the nice ones that I know would be the ones to treat me good!
What is my problem? I DO NOT want to make another mistake like the last one!
ANY ADVICE?
Ceejae

ceejae2006...
Here's PG's 2 cents....and hopefully....YOU CAN HANDLE IT?
Retrain your brain!
If you're expecting every friendship to develop into something more serious...you're probably gonna wind up very sad and extremely lonely? Rather than assume "sparks will automatically fly" after a few dates or a certain time frame....why can't you loosen up and just be a good friend to men in general?
Here's what'll eventually happen.
When a man isn't threatened by a woman's "agenda" (and believe me...some of us RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION when your mannerisms and attitude come off as "pushy", "clingy" or "bossy")...we'll often build up enough trust to 'share' some of our innermost feelings with you.
This DOESN'T MEAN we're suddenly going to drive you to the most expensive jewelry store in town and set you up with an engagement ring! But when we've become comfortable with you "as a friend"----ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!
Here's something for you to think about?
If some of your dating standards or expectations aren't realistic...this is an issue YOU NEED TO WORK OUT before going any further?
Remember....you are under NO OBLIGATION to have a 2nd date (or even a 2nd conversation) with anybody! But if you're finding that the majority of your "close encounters" are unsatisfactory....it might be a wise idea to look inside YOURSELF first?
There's a big difference between having several good friendships as opposed to having (and permitting) exclusivity with ONE PERSON? It's entirely possible that YOUR "comfort zone" might be more satisfied with non-committed relationships...at least for the moment?
This way...you can end ALL OF 'EM IN A HURRY the moment you become B-O-R-E-D!
Pianoguy
Oh my, you have to date WAAAAAY more than just a few. If you date ONE, don't expect him to be THE ONE. You've got to date a whole bunch of guys and go out a few times to see if you like them. I'd give Mr. Boring one more chance. It could be he was nervuos, or having an off night. But don't limit yourself to just him. You are perfectly free to date others at the same time.
You are smart to be picky, but give yourself some time. I dated for over a year before I met my current bf, because I was NOT going to settle for just any guy who liked me. I had to find one with whom I "connected" on many levels.
Don't get frustrated. Just keep at it, keep yourself busy with girlfriends, family and hobbies, and know that you are good enough WITHOUT a man and THAT's when you'll fine one.
I used to feel exactly the same way you do about my dates. They all seemed to be either Bad Boys...completely inappropriate... or they were wimps. I used to ask "Where the heck is Mr. In-Between?" Well, I'm afraid I don't have an answer to that question. I think it's generally a combination of us choosing badly -- ignoring the early signs that a guy isn't right for you and going ahead and dating him or getting into a relationship with him anyway -- and just plain lucky timing.
But I do believe you are more likely to find a compatible guy when you aren't looking. I can't scientifically explain the phenomenon, but men seem to have some kind of "radar" when it comes to finding UNneedy women. A desirable man (or 2 or 3) will come after YOU when you could care less about finding him. And they stay far away when they sense you're feeling desperate.
So maybe it's time to put the search on the backburner and just enjoy your life. Spend time with your family, girlfriends or coworkers. Take up a hobby... start exercising (if you aren't already). In other words, it's OK not to have a boyfriend or a date. When you're comfortable and OK being with yourself, THAT's when a good guy is going to appear and start pursuing you.
What I have tried to describe is exactly what happened for me before I met my boyfriend of 3+ years. I knew him as a friend for a while, so I wasnt expecting a great romance with him. In fact, I wasn't expecting anything except some pleasant evenings together. But the more time we spent together, the more I began to realize he was suitable for me. I only became his "girlfriend" after more than a year of being together.
I just want to try to encourage you to stay positive, because it's essential to have a good attitude about yourself and men, in general, to attract the kind of man you want. Just remember every date is NOT the start of a relationship... it's only a date. You may go on MANY dates before you find someone that's right for you. It will be worth the wait when it happens.
Take care and good luck.