I panicked - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
I panicked - Why?
4
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 5:44am
Hi,

Just need a little advice.

I recently went on holiday and met a guy who seemed to like me alot. He is 3 yrs younger than me and seemed really decent and kind. We got on well together and were with each other twice on holidays. He seemed to find it hard to relax, only did so when he had a few drinks.

I am recently out of a 10 yr relationship and he has never been in a relationship more than 3 months.

I Gave him my number and said it was up to him if he wanted to contact me. He did after he returned from the holiday. He text me a few times but after a week only ever text me when he was out after been drinking.

He lives in another city so seeing each other would be hard. I suggested meeting half way which would be a 2hr drive for both of us but he said maybe another time.

But then a week ago he rang me late at night after been out and was chatting to me till about 4 in the morning, he then asked to meet the following Sat half way like i had said and i said yes, i was delighted.

I ended up texting this guy alot after the night he asked me to meet and was getting nothing back. Up until the day before we were suppose to meet i text him every day but got nothing back. I was worried incase i had said or done something wrong but deep down i knew he was not texting back because he did not want to meet but i continued to text hoping he would respond.

Eventually the evening before we were suppose to meet i text and asked him were we meeting or not, he responded and said no. I text again and said that was no problem but why did he not just respond earlier in the week and tell me that.

That night got a msg back saying i deserved better than him which was fine but the next day i tried to ring and text just to clear things up. I was worried sick incase he would think bad of me and would regret meeting me.

I dont know why i panicked and why i kept texting him. It was nice to have someone like me as i have very low confidence and when he did not text back during the week i panicked as i was so happy since i came back from holiday i was afraid incase i would lapse back in to bad form again.

I dont think i am very put out by the fact that he did not meet me i am more afraid incase he thinks i am mad and i will miss his text msg and the attention.

I did not stop texting him until yesterday because i really wanted to clear things up with him and make sure there was no hard feelings but he did not respond. I have his number deleted now and will not contact him again but feel sick at my behaviour.

I made a fool of myself. I will prob never see him again but cannot understand why i feel sick about it and why i feel this huge need for him to know that i am not an annoying person like he prob thinks i am.

Any advice.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:52am
We all make mistakes. We all embarass ourselves, it is human nature. Just be glad it's some guy from other city, that way you won't have to run into him and be even more embaraased.

I agree with what you have done - deleted his number and not calling/texting him again.

Who cares if he thinks you are crazy or whatever? You will never have to see him again.. just remember that next time you are going to allow the man to do the chasing.. the man needs to be the one calling you, making the plans. If you call someone once or twice and they don't call back, don't try again that way you don't have to worry about how you appear to them.

Also don't talk to a guy when he is drunk. If you are talking to someone again, and they call you around midnight and you know they were probably at the bar, DONT answer. Men sometimes say things they don't mean when they have been drinking. This happened to a friend of mine - a guy she liked only called after he had been drinking.. he would make promises to her, set up dates, and then the next day, he would not answer her calls, and act like he didn't say anything.

I am more concerned with the other part of your post about how you said you have low confidence. You need to work on that before you attract more guys. There are lots of ways to increase your self confidence. There are lots of books out there about how to increase your self esteem. I was just wondering, why you lack self confidence and why you allowed this guy to really bother you??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:27am
Many thanks for your response and good advice.

I suppose i have not much experience with men apart from my husband which ended and i have been hurt bad once in the past so i am terrified of getting hurt again.

I am only 26 but do not have experience of dating, calling guys etc and i have a terrible fear of people not liking me.

I have gone for councelling etc but never seem to be able to get past this.

I was fine up until he did not text back and then all of a sudden i panicked. I had realised that it was always after been out that he text or called but i suppose it was nice to be thaught and so i chased him.

He must really think i am a physco as i text him 4 times friday evening with only 1 reply back late after he got in from been out.

Then i tried to say sorry the next day for annoying him and sent him 3 texts but he did not text back to any or them.

I finally tried yesterday, rang once and text once just to try and clear things up but got nothing back.

i know i over did it thats why i feel so bad but i just wanted some reassurance from him that it was ok.

Even thought i can see that he was a jerk by not texting back and not been honest and tell me he did not want to meet i blamed myself for everything and could not see that he was just as wrong as i was.

And so kept trying to make it right. I am a very honest person sometimes too honest and i am very trusting of people with the result that i get hurt and feel awful inside.

Its like i cant control my emotions or how i feel - i know it sounds silly.

Like this weekend instead of trying to leave it and let him off i kept pleading with him to contact me so that i could make things right.

I so have his number written down in my diary in work and today i said to myself sure ill leave it now and maybe at Christmas i might send him a text message to say hi and how are things just in the hope that he will text back and i can explain that i just wanted to clear things up.

But deep down i know that he should be the person to get in touch if he wants to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 2:07pm


I've been in your shoes with the guy situation. I'm sorry about you

and you're husband. Maybe you should take sometime and find out

what it's like to be single again. Hang out with friends, make new

friends. And as I've learned from my heartthrob and best male friend.

Men hate it when you call and bug them. My advice- maybe he's dating

someone else. Maybe he's working weird hours. Maybe he feels threatened

by the fact that you're recently divorced? Find out what you need in a

healthy relationship before dating right now. I had low self confidence

before now. And I've relized that I don't need a man to make me feel

complete.

Sure, I get lonely and wish that I had someone. But, I have a huge family

and tons of friends who love me and care about me. I also learned that some

men just don't like to chat on the phone. Most of my male friend's call

sometimes out of the blue for a couple of days and won't call back for

a week or two. That's just how some men are. Like, I said some men just

don't like to be aggravated by the constant ringing of the phone. My

male friends tell me that. Try not calling for a week if he doesn't

respond. I've been told that calling like that makes them pissed and

makes you look needy or clinging. Men hate that.. Give him time to

figure out how he feels about you. And if he don't seem interested.

It's not the end of the world. They're plenty of fish in the sea.

And someday you'll find somebody who will totally sweep you off your

feet. And treat you like the princess you deserve to be. I'm holding

out for my prince. And I'm not settling for someone who isn't into

me. I'd advise the same. If he's not calling now. Sorry to sound

harsh. But, maybe he isn't interested anymore. Good luck , though..

Hope I helped a little. Good luck....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 3:35am


You helped alot countrygirl, thanks a million.

I have learned alot from this incident.

I think it was only the attention i liked as after the first nigth i was with him i did not like him all that much and did not want to see him again.

It was him who approached me again the next night in the bar - i suppose i was flattered that he liked me.