I really don't understand men sometimes
Find a Conversation
I really don't understand men sometimes
| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 8:49pm |
A couple of weekends ago I met this guy at the bar. We chatted for a while, he seemed nice enough, and he even paid for me and my girlfriends tab. We exchanged phone numbers, and he started calling me the next day. I called him back a couple of days later and we just chatted for a while, and he seemed really eager to talk to me. I explained to him that I was going to be busy until today, Friday, and so he asked me out for tonight. I have talked to him a couple of times since, but I really just wanted to hang out with him to see if there was a connection before we started any serious chatting on the phone. I don't know, but I have a hard time talking to someone I don't know on the phone, and I just feel uncomfortable chatting it up for long periods of time. Every time I have talked to him, he still seemed really eager to talk to me, and he told me he was excited about taking me out today. So I call him this afternoon, and he throws a change of plans at me. He tells me that some of his friends were going to Iraq in the morning and they were having a little going away party. He then told me he would pick me up at 4pm (!?), and I was to go with him to this party and then we would go to the movies. I was honestly shocked and I didn't know what to say so we just ended the conversation. I talked to a couple of my girlfriends about it right away because I have never had anyone do that to me. The guy didn't even ask if I wanted to do that, he just kind of told me what the plans were. He didn't even ask if I wanted to bring a friend along since I would be surrounded by complete strangers including him. It was like, we had already made plans and he goes changing them without even considering ME. So I called him back and told him that I wasn't okay with what he had done, and I thought it was really inconsiderate of him. First dates are uncomfortable enough sometimes, why make it even more uncomfortable by throwing me in an atmosphere like that? Ya know what I mean? Aren't first dates for US to get a feel of each other? I have no interest in meeting someone's friends unless I am interested in THEM, and how can I know that if we haven't made that connection yet? So he apologize profusely, and tells me that he has been out of the dating game in a long time due to his being deployed for 2 years. He said he hadn't thought about me feeling uncomfortable in that situation since I seemed so friendly when he saw me out last. So I cut him a bit of slack and still told him I would go out to dinner with him, and it would be okay with me if he went to see his friends before they left. He said he would call me at 5pm to get directions to my house, and he never called. I'm just baffled by the situation really because it doesn't make sense to me. This guy seemed so eager for the past 2 weeks to be able to go out with me, and then he stands me up? Even after I was still gonna go out with him after he was so inconsiderate towards me? I called him like 15 min ago because I wanted to thank him for standing me up. Yeah, I'm a bit mad. He just hung the phone up on like the 3rd ring. Okay, so I don't know this guy, and the only things that I'm mad about are wasting my time getting ready, being treated in this manner, and of course I am disappointed. I just don't get it.

In his mind, he thought he had the perfect solution... he'd take YOU to the party! He probably thought you'd be happy. But then you called him and blasted him for being inconsiderate. I guess I'm not surprised that he changed his mind about going out with you... that wasn't a great start.
Well, at this point, I think you should remove him from your mental rollodex. Perhaps in a couple of days he'll have another change of heart and want to try again... that is if you're still interested. I'm sure you have other options, as well.
Sorry this turned out the way it did. Men DO think differently from us about many things.
good luck with the next... it's not completely your fault, so don't worry aboutit. You did what you felt was right in the situation - maybe next time you'll just go with the flow when you don't know each other.
I do tend to agree with the other two and I will add this... he is a military man, that was pointed out in your post. He received notice that his friends were to be deployed to Iraq and he wanted to make a point of seeing them before they left. Who knows, under the current climate he may never see them again. There is a bond between military personnel that one who has not been there sometimes cannot understand.
It is not that he didn't want to see you or spend time with you but his mind was very preoccupied at the time. Since he had alread made plans with you and a sudden situation arose for him he thought that he would include you and that way he could spend time with you and see his friends off at the same time. Then the two of you could go to the movies and have "US" time. In his mind he thought that would work and didn't see anything wrong with it. The problem was that he was being inconsiderate of what YOU might have thought and he should have consulted you beforehand.
The next problem arose when he met with his friends and didn't call you at 5:00... again, it is inconsiderate under normal standards. But, believe me, the comaraderie between military men sometimes transcends time... he lost track of the time and then didn't know how to face you with his mistake. When you called him he didn't want the confrontation that he felt coming...
That's the way I see it... now, you have a choice here... cut him loose or try again. Given an understanding of the situation he was in doesn't mean that you have to agree with it. It means that you understand and realize that this may not be his normal behavior. In that case you could choose to give it a second chance.
Either way, you have a choice and it is yours to make.
tg