I really need advice...please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
I really need advice...please help.
8
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 6:38pm
I work with a guy that I HAD a crush on. It's been confusing to say the least...but he's been impossible. He used to drive me to work until I needed a break from him. It was my decision after he couldn't just come out and reject me, he's just hyper and after I forgave him he went and lied to me saying after his sick dad he takes care of passes away he'd look for companionship with me. Then a week later he said he couldn't see himself tied down to one person. Then I found out by rumors that he has a girlfriend now. Gotta love it. Well, even after all of that I want to be on good terms at work with him. That is the bottom line. There is a lot of tension between us even though I gave him an apology card and wrote a note expressing why I was sorry. He can't even look at me let alone in my eyes. I asked him if he read the note in it and he said no he's not a reader!!! He reads the newspaper everyday so I caught him in a lie like when he said "it's not you...it's me!" It hurts but I want to have a good work relationship since he is an assistant manager...it would be cool if we could become friends eventually but I don't see it happening soon...I'd be just happy to be on good terms with him. Would you give up or try pursuing a work friendship? How would you go about doing this? Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 7:54pm

I would leave it alone and only talk to him when you need to. The guy sounds unstable, you don't need a friend like that at work b/c lord only knows what he may do. And stop apologizing! You've done it a few times, he sounds like a jerk.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 7:59pm
chik,
Thank you for your reply. I do agree with you and will heed your advice. I admit that I am a bit of a softy so if I don't take your advice I know it'll be worse than it is now. He is a jerk. It's so hard to find a good man. Thanks again! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 8:00pm

Just be polite to him as you would to anyone else.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:32am
I have been trying to say hi to him but there is just so much tension between us. It does seem like he is trying to get in contact with me but he is being weird. When he talks to me he can't even look at me let alone in the eye. I wanted to be friends because he is so much like me but he'll never know it...or doesn't want to get to know it. I am super shy so I know I have played a big part in not being able to get to know each other. It's too late now to even try to be his friend...he has a girlfriend, not interested in me at all and he crushed me(didn't have to) when all I wanted was the truth for closure so it wouldn't have to be like this. If he would have just rejected me, I believe we would have been good friends right now. Oh well, that is life. Thanks for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 2:25pm
I guess I don't understand why you want to be friends with a guy who lied to you and then flaunted it in your face. He sounds immature and not very nice IMO. I agree with everyone, be cordial and polite but that's it. If he's not mature enough to get past it and act professionally, then he has the problem. And yes, definitely STOP aplogizing! From what I can tell, you didn't do anything wrong to apologize for! So move on and find a guy that will treat you better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 5:28pm
How is this guy like you? He doesn't sound like he's like you at all! Okay, so maybe you have some things in common, but so what? He is not a nice person. It sounds like he does have a gf and was stringing you along. Stay far far away and give me no entrance into your life. If he's as mean as I think he is, he could mess up your social life at work or worse, your career.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:21pm
Thank you for your replies...you are right. I need to get over the fact that me and him will never be on friendly terms. It's ashame since he is my assistant manager and I got over him and just wanted to have a good work relationship. For being in his 40's you think he would be mature enough to move on and be civilized with me. Oh well, now I know never to even think about getting into a dating relationship with a coworker. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:45pm
gingersnapelle,
Thanks for replying. Yeah...he is a jerk and not nice now that I see how he handled everything. You are right I thought he was like me because we had tons of things in common and are just very similiar except for the flaws. I guess, I didn't realize how bad his flaws really were...I just thought we could be work buds so we could be on good terms at work instead of be on his crap list like I am now. Oh well, it all led down to the fact of miscommunications...and I tried resolving my part in it. I give up on him now though.