I really need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
I really need help
3
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 9:28am
My boyfriend of two years and I had the most perfect relationship. We rarely fought and we were best friends. He just graduated college in June and cant find a job so I am thinking that stress is a factor here. About a month ago, he broke up with me out of no where, and never turned back, It was the result of an argument I was having with him about him not coming over one friday night. He said that he doesnt want the responsibility of a girlfriend anymore. He wants to be able to do what he wants without worrying about whether or not hes making me upset. That is obviously a selfish arguement. So after going back and forth deciding whether or not we should still talk, I finally said, no more. I said the only way we can talk is if he wants to get back together with me, otherwise I dont want to speak to him anymore bc its too hard. He still proceeded to call me and still wants me to attend his fathers birthday dinner with the family next weekend. I really do want to go bc I know Im going to see him. Otherwise, I dont exactly know when I will see him again. His family adores me, which just makes me think this is something he wouldnt want me to attend. Why would he want to bring his exgirlfriend to something like this. I know he doesnt have any ill feelings towards me, but is it ridiculous to have it in the back of my mind that we may get back together. I just really dont know what to do. Hes like a drug that I am dangerously addicted to. The worst part is is that he is such a sweet person. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 10:12am
He probably hasn't told his family that you broke up and wants you to attend the party so that he doesn't have to deal with the questions. I think you should stick to your resolve not to have contact with him - at all. You should listen to his words - he doesn't want the responsibility of a GF. This is the truth and you will only torture yourself if you let him string you along. Like any drug, quitting cold turkey is the best way to get yourself unaddicted. Sorry this happened to you, but selfish or not, he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Don't take his calls anymore and allow yourself to heal. Best wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 10:30am
Do you like his family? Do you want to maintain a relationship with them...celebrate their birthdays with them, etc.? Because you can if you like them apart from him. But if it's over for you and you don't want to maintain a relationship with them, write them a note expressing how much you've enjoyed being a part of their lives, period. Don't talk about your relationship. and send a birthday card to the dad.

You stick to your guns...if he wants to get back together, then he can call you, but otherwise you don't want to hear from him. Dragging out a break up is ok if both parties buy into that, but you don't. You have to do what's best for you...he's only watching out for himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 12:31pm
I think I know where your ex is comming from. Believe me, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you it just means hes frustraded right now. That now isn't a good time for him to be in a relationship. From what you told me the vibe he's trying to send is that he needs some time to himself right now. He wants to be close to you but it's just not working RIGHT NOW. Maybe if you continue to be in his life for right now and saport him with what ever he needs he'll change his mind. NOT TALKING TO HIM AT ALL DOES NOT HELP!!! Go to the get together and don't make a big deal out of it. The more you show him you're an understanding person and the longer you're willing to wait the more he'll think about comming around and going back with you. I know this because my last relationship was the same way only in this case I was your ex. I felt the same about a guy but the point was it just wasn't the right time. I was confused and angry about what I couldn't figure out because him and my sister were ganging up on me telling me there was no reason and it wasn't helping. If they would have left me alone the less I would have wanted to leave and stay gone. All you're ex needs is a little time alone to think (mentally) the more you give him space mentally the more he'll stay phyisiclly.

With the best of luck,

DragonsBabyBlue