I really need help!!
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| Mon, 11-29-2004 - 7:43pm |
I have this guy in my life and what our relationship is is up for grabs. Please tell me what you think the relationship is and let me know what you would do if you were me. OK?
Yes, he tells me he loves me (sometimes he will say "I love you so much" with obvious passion in his voice), he tells me that he wants me in his life forever, he tells me I'm special, he tells me what wonderful qualities I have and goes on to list them(attractive, hot, sexy and intelligent are on the list), he tells me that he can never have sex with me and can only have a platonic friendship with me.
I know for a fact that he's not gay and he has had brief (6 months max.) relationships with other women in his past. He has never been married and is 40 years old. He lives by himself and he is home every night. He tells me I can call him anytime, I do, and he's usually home when I call when he's not at work. He has always been there late at night and early in the morning.
What does he do? He looks forward to his favorite tv shows, bike rides, exercises, goes to movies by himself.
What is with this guy anyway? He the exact opposite of your typical commitment-phobic. He's right there with the love and emotion but holds back sex. What am I to think and what would you do if you were in my situation? Have you been in my situation?
Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated!
Kate

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bellina here! Cheers konfused-
I've shared a similar situation in a past relationship,15 plus years ago.I was
in early 20s seeing someone 19 years my senior.We were very compatible,shared
many mutual interests,same backgrounds,(being British,but Italian decent)same hometown,
,similar careers,hobbies,and loved each other.All aspects except being totally committed
with sex.I never pushed this issue,as I really felt close in every other way.Until one
day,we're vacationing on holiday in Paris,France -city of lights,great food,romantic
vistas,music,everything to set a mood de L'amour...He began to give me signals with
alot of verbal banter,touching,etc..that the time would be right for a Parisian passion
liason.I was,overjoyed,french musicians strolled outdoors,candles,nice wine,ooh la la,
we were almost there...discovered he had EDysfunctions...He never wanted to tell me this
was the entire problem..I was very understanding,sympathetic and told him I didn't love
him any less.This made him seem comforted,but very sad as he felt never able to
be a total man,began crying! Never did I see him so emotional,we hugged and stayed
in one anothers arms all night.Later,he did seek professional medical aid,a top specialist
in London..It worked. There was no viagra,but something that was experimental from
a swiss Doctor who needed volunteers for this advanced drug therapy.My love followed this
regimen with terrific results,our intimacy was spectacular.Didn't need Paris to have
that ooh la la feeling! However he was so passionate and now becamee a duan juan,sadly
no longer wanting just me as his temptress.He started becoming the town cad,like Alfie
in that new flick.Discovered this as he left a trail of evidence,and a gal called me
to confirm suspicions.Luv,all I can say is from him being a once caring,but unpassionate
fellow,with swiss docs type viagra,he was a regular playboy internationale.Hope your
significant other will come clean if it is a sexual dysfunction,then you're already
great relationship can be totally complete and give you more profound intimacy.Best wishes in this delicate matter! Your Brit pal Bellina
You know the rule of thumb that says "actions speak louder than words"? Well, in dating, you need to add the following caveat: "except when the words say something you don't want to hear...then you need to believe the words".
If you want to keep hanging on because of what you perceive as a "mixed message" (and I really think it is totally your perception, because from the outside looking in there's nothing mixed about it), that's your perogative. But you need to take responsibility for your choice when you're still confused and frustrated six months or a year down the road.
Good luck.
Sheri
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