I REFUSE TO SHARE !!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
I REFUSE TO SHARE !!
6
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 3:29pm
I'LL TRY TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT...I AM EXXXXXTREMELY ANGRY.ILL STATE SOME FACTS SO YOU CAN ADVISE.MY BF AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 18 MONTHS,LIVED TOGETHER FOR 16 OF THOSE MONTHS.I AM 25 AND HE IS 27, WE ARE BOTH VERY MATURE FOR OUR AGES.WE ARE BOTH DIVORCED FROM UNFAITHFUL SPOUSES. WE HAVE A WONDERFUL AND VERY JOKE-ATIVE AND FUN RELATIONSHIP.HE EVEN SAYS WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.

WELL HERE GOES, I FOUND THE PSSWD TO HIS PAGER AGAIN!!!!!!!I HAVE GOTTEN A HOLD OF IT IN THE PAST AND NEVER REALLY HEARD ANYTHING.I HAVE BEEN MONITORING IT FOR ABOUT 5 DAYS.IT WAS FINE MON AND TUESDAY BUT WEDNESDAY I HAPPENED TO CHECK IT AT ABOUT 3:00PM, WHEN I WAS AT WK AND I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EARS.... THIS GIRL SAID "OKAY COME DOWN TO THIS STREET AND THE 2ND HOUSE ON THE LFT" SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY GIVING HIM DIRECTIONS.WELL I IMMEDIATELY WENT INTO A PANIC. BUT I KEPT COOL. HE PICKED ME UP AT WK AT 4:45PM. WE WENT OUT TO DINNER THAT NIGHT AND I WENT IN THE BATHROOM AT THE RESTAURANT TO CHECK IT AND THIS IS WHAT I HEARD....

2ND MSSG: "HEY BABY, I REALLY ENJOYED SEEING YOU TODAY,EVEN THOUGH IT WAS JUST FOR A SHORT TIME." (SO FROM ABOUT 3PM-4PM MAYBE??? GIVING TRAFFIC TIME TO MY JOB)

3RD MSSG: "I HOPE YOUR NOT MAD AT ME FOR TRYING TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU, I WAS REALLY HORNY AND I WISHED WE COULD HAVE DONE IT,BUT OH WELL I UNDERSTAND."

4TH MSSG: " HEY ITS ME CALL ME, I HOPE I CAN SEE YOU TOMMORROW,I REALLY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, AND I MISS YOU". (HOW DESPERATE CAN YOU GET????)

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE ,I GOT SOOOOO WEAK AND COMPLETELY LOST MY APPETITE.WELL WE ATE AND HE WAS EXTREMELY HAPPY LIKE NORMAL. HE DID ASK ME WHAT WAS WRONG? CAUSE I WAS BEING REALLY QUIET AND NOT REALLY EATING LIKE USUAL. I JUST TOLD HIM MY STOMACH WAS

HURTING REALLY BAD.

THE NEXT DAY (THURSDAY) I CALLED OUT OF WK SICK. I COULDNT THINK ABOUT WORKING...ALL MORNING I KEPT ACCUSING HIM OF BEING UNFAITHFUL BY DROPPING HINTS AND MAKING SMART REMARKS.I JUST COULDNT HELP IT.UNTIL WE FINALLY GOT INTO AND ARGUMENT... WE MADE UP ABOUT AN HOUR LATER AND ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER(I KIND OF WANTED TO DO IT JUST TO SEE IF HE STILL DESIRED ME, AND IF ANYTHING HAS CHANGED, AND ALSO TO FULFILL HIS SEXUAL NEEDS.) NOTHING HAD CHANGED IS WAS ACTUALLY VERRRRRRY PASSIONATE. FYI: OUR SEX LIFE HAS ALWAYS BEEN INCREDIBLE !!!!! ANYWAYS

MSSG THAT MORNING: "I HOPE I CAN SEE YOU TODAY ?" CALL ME 999-9999

ANOTHER MSSG: "HEY NICK, I REALLY MISS YOU, YOUR SMILE, YOUR SEXY BUILD, AND I REALLY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU" (IN MUCH MORE EXPLICIT WORDS) AND LATER THAT NIGHT.....

3RD MSSG: "I HOPE YOU AND YOUR GF HAD A GREAT DAY, I WISHED I COULD HAVE SEEN YOU,BUT I UNDERSTAND." AT THIS POINT I WAS EVEN MORE UPSET CAUSE SHE KNOWS ABOUT ME....

4TH MSSG: " HEY, HE WILL BE HOME TOMMORROW, BUT I WILL CALL YOU SAT WHEN IM AT WORK." (I GUESS SHE HAS A BF TOO)

(FRIDAY)SHE DIDNT CALL. AND HE HASNT BEEN OUT OF MY EYESIGHT SINCE WEDNESDAY. AND NORMALLY HE NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE AT NIGHT AT ALL IN LESS WE ARE TOGETHER. WE'VE ALWAYS DONE EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

ANYWAYS ITS SAT NOW AND THE MSSG TODAY WAS: "HEY, I HAVENT HEARD FROM YOU, PLEASE CALL ME,I REALLY WANT YOU BADDD (MORE EXPLICIT WORDS) 999-9999." AND THATS WHERE IM AT.......

I AM BURSTING INSIDE WITH ANGER BUT HE HAS NO IDEA I KNOW WHATSOEVER.I AM PLAYIN IT BY EAR, CAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.....PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE MSSGS CAUSE ITS HARD TO TELL IF THEY HAVE HAD SEX OR NOT??? UNLESS IM IN DENIAL.

I LOVE THIS MAN WITH ALLLLL MY HEART AND MY LIL GIRL LOVES HIM, HE MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN, AND I REALLY THOUGHT HE WAS THAT ONE, WE EVEN PLANNED TO HAVE A BABY TOGETHR ONE DAY(HE DONT HAVE ANY KIDS BUT HE LOVES THEM).HE REALLY TAKES GREAT CARE OF US I MEAN HE SPOILS ME. HE HAS DONE A LOT FOR US IN EVERY WAY. HE HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME FINANCIALLY,EMOTIONALLY,HE DOES ALL THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES,ASIDE FROM THIS, HE'S THAT MAN THAT EVERY WOMEN WOULD ASK FOR.WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SOME ROUGH TIMES TOGETHER TOO,AND THROUGH IT ALL WE WERE HAPPY AND ENJOYING EACH OTHER. EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY ABSOLUTELY LOVES----HIM. AND HIS FAMILY LOVES ME TOO...WE HAVE STRONG FAMILY TIES.....AND NOT TO MENTION HE RECENTLY TOLD MY DAUGHTER THAT SHE COULD CALL HIM DADDY.WELL ANYWAYS, I COULD GO ON ALL DAY, BUT I WANTED YOU ALL TO GET THE FULL PICTURE SO YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT IM GOING THROUGH...I WOULD NEVER HAVE SUSPECTED THIS> I AM VERY,VERY CONFUSED. AND I FEEL BETRAYED, AND I FEEL LIKE HES NOT WHO I THOUGHT HE WAS. WHAT SHOULD I DO ?? PLEASE HELP ME ????

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 3:39pm
What should you do? Why are you confused? You pretty much have proof that he cheated on you... What you did wasn't right but you must have had reason to do so...

So as for the answer: Run. This guy is a liar and a cheat. You're not proving anything by proving he wants you--you're becoming a doormat.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 4:19pm
Well, first of all, there is obviously no trust in your relationship. You're checking his pager messages constantly behind his back. And you are making a case against him with only one side of the story. At this point, all you know is that some woman is hot over him. But you won't know the complete story until you talk to him. First, you're going to have to explain why you trust him so little that you are spying on him (by reading his pager messages). Then, you are going to have to have an adult conversation, not using passive-aggressive jabs at him like you've been doing. Then, and only then can you determine the next step. If he really is involved with someone, then he needs to tell you why. Somehow I have a feeling that he may feel unappreciated by you and is getting at least a physical validation from someone else. You have the opportunity to put your pride aside and see if you can work it out. If not, then the conclusion is obvious. But you also need to take responsiblity for the part you have played in contaminating the relationship.Good men don't cheat on their girlfriend or wife if they're happy at home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 6:14pm
Jesus lady!! What is all this chaos doing to your child? First, you're shacking up with some guy (great role-modeling there), then justifying it by saying that he "really takes great care of us I mean he spoils me...he has been there for me financially..." Get a spine and take care of yourself and your daughter. Your little girl is getting an earful and eyeful of bad examples.

"...we even planned to have a baby together one day..." Uh, how about dating, marriage, babies, in that order? Or will you be thrilled in a few years when your daughter comes to you and announces that she's going to shack up with a guy and pop a kid? Remember, we are our children's first teachers.

The last paragraph of your post illustrates PERFECTLY why adults with minor children shouldn't live with their honeys. Your daughter has, naturally, become attached to this guy. Now she is about to suffer another loss because of your reckless behavior and lack of forethought. Good job. My advice would be to move out, become self-sufficient, and concentrate on your daughter ONLY. Your sex/love life is unimportant. Your child's emotional well-being and moral development is paramount.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:51am
Well we all feel that they can cheat sometimes.Well cmon now, they r men okay, no matter how good they are or how loyal they are sometimes they just want to " do " someone else.Ofcourse some men dont do it cuz they think its wrong but they think about it, so its pretty much the same thing.So now you,dont even know whats goin on between them, may be he saw her somewhere and she is head ova hills and he just wants to get rid of her but doenst know how , and he only met her to tell her than he has u and he doesnt want anybody else.Now cmon if he wanted to have sex with her he culd of come up with an excuse for u and juss " do " her.Did he ? No !! Thats why sometimes its better not to know then know.If he loves u and it seems he does why would u leave him over this stupidest thing?Well juss talk to him, tell him the truth and see what he is gonna tell you .Cmon why would u ruin a relationship over some whore?So now its up to u Good luck .
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 8:39pm
How incredibly sad for you if believe this rubbish.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 2:32am
First of all, you have been betrayed! It doesnt matter how much you or your daughter love him, if he doesnt respect you enough to be faithful to you, he doesnt deserve to be in your life. You have been wrong to secretly check his messages, but he is wrogn whether he has had sex with her or not, if they are even talking about it, he has gone WAY too far! He shouldnt even be flirting with another woman if he is committed to you!! This is upseting to me because I just got out of a marriage that is similar to you. I was very in love with the "perfect" guy, but he cheated on me. It was only one night, one time. We broke up and then got back together and got married. Wouldnt you know.... I never trusted him, I was always checking his pager, asking about all the new numbers, calling the #'s when he went to work, I even bought a SPY PROGRAM for the computer so I could spy on him!!! He cheated on me again 1 year after the fisrt time, with the same girl. LET ME TELL YOU..... If they do it once, they will do it again! When I asked my ex Husband about what I knew, he denied it for 3 weeks until I finally printed the emails... he still denied it for another week!!! Claiming that his friends had set him up because they didnt want us together! HAHA! Us women desrve better and I'm sure deep down you know that. We have instincts and can smell this stuff... dont bury your feelings and forgive him or let it go just because you are afraid to be without him. Try your best to think about what is best for you and your daughter in the long run. Good Luck, please keep us updated!