I said ILY first - need advice!
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| Wed, 03-08-2006 - 7:42pm |
How can you tell if your man is not in love with you?
Ive been dating my BF for close to two years now and still no ILY yet.
I made a HUGE MISTAKE...make that two...I said ILY first. Ive said it to him twice. the first time was after we had been dating for about 6 months and he didnt respond. Ouch. The second time which was months later he just said that he wasnt sure how he felt - that he didnt think he was "there yet". second and worse Ouch but I still had hope in that little "yet" part. (And I was happy that he was honest about it. thats one thing I always did like about him)
So its been a long time since then and I havnt brought it up again - just waiting and waiting...and waiting. I feel like such an idiot for bringing it up in the first place...Im not the type to normally do that but I thought that I should express how I felt and be honest about it. I didnt care at first that he didnt reciprocate my feelings because it was more about expressing it rather than expecting him to say it back.
Anyway, He talks about the future (a future with us together) but hasnt said anything about how he feels about me except that he really cares about me. Other than this love issue which seems to gnaw at the back of my head(I try to ignore it), things are great. Hes a really sweet guy and im really glad that hes in my life and I know that hes really glad that Im in his. Hes the type that has no problem saying how he feels - hes very open whereas I tend to keep things inside.(It was a huge leap for me to tell him how I felt)
His not saying anything since all that leads me to believe that after all this time he still either doesnt know or just plain isnt in love with me. It makes sense for people not to know when they are still in the beginning stages of a relationship but we have been together for a long period of time and really know eachother...all the good and bad and juicy details haha. We are eachothers best friends. He obviously loves me as a person I just dont know if he is "in love" with me.
Im beginning to lose hope in the love aspect of our relationship. I dont think I can deal with the insecurity of not knowing. Even though I didnt care at first, I think that as more time goes by I feel more crushed and hurt about it. I dont know if I should talk to him about it or not. I guess I just dont want to be hurt even more by another "i dont know yet." esp. after this long. Also I dont want to pressure him or make him feel like he has to say it...if he is in love with me id rather him say it on his own terms and at the right time for him and because its something coming from his heart. I guess thats why I keep waiting; that and the fact that I love him so much. This waiting is getting really hard though - I have no idea what I should do. Sorry this post is all over the place. Hope it makes sense. Any advice is appreciated.

How long are you willing to wait? If you have been with him for 2 years why can't you have a conversation with him in regards to how he feels? You need him to understand that you are in love with him and need to know how the future looks. You deserve to know so you can exit the relationship if it's clear that he isn't in love with you. Do you want to be with someone that isn't in love with you?
F
zyzx32...
2 Years together without an ILY on his side???? PG's solution in 2 words:
"DUMP HIM!"
The rest of what he tells you amount to nothing more than C-R-A-P!
So stop feeling 'crushed, hurt and disappointed'----and instead----find yourself a man who isn't afraid to tell you how SPECIAL you are.
Most of the ones that really mean it say: I LOVE YOU quite frequently!
Pianoguy