I screwed up my situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
I screwed up my situation
3
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 5:57pm

Well another one bites the dust. I screwed up my situation with the guy I was hanging otu with for the last 4 months and it was entirely my fault. In the beginning when I first met him and after the time he made a move on me, I wrote another member on that messageboard that I talked to on occasion, looking for some advice on how to deal with guys and what it meant when they made a move on you. Apparently this person had been flirting online with my friend and she told me to watch out for him and that he was a player. I ended up talking to her for many months while I was carrying on my friendship with this guy. It was very hard for me to deal with that, hanging out with him and knowing that he flirted with other women on there and then we had sex a few times. He eventually told me that he wanted my friendship and we went on to establish a friendship but he still wanted to hold hands, kiss, hug, etc (no more sex). And he was always paying me complements and all that. Meanwhile, I was discussing with my friend about his intentions and she kept me abreast of what her opinions were and her conversations with him.

This past weekend, it all got to me and I dont know why. Why couldnt I just have lived with the fact that he likes to flirt with other women and that he was my friend and that he kept his word and hung out with me twice a week. He had never been bad to me and had been a man of his word in terms of hanging out and getting together. Instead, I had to go and mess up a good thing. I pretty much came out and told him that I didnt trust him and I had a hard time believing in what he told me because, in the beginning, I had talked to someone about him when I first went out with him since I was confused and this person had told me that he was flirting with her and seemed like he wanted to get with her. I told him that I thought he was a player and that I didnt trust him at all. He wanted to find out who had told me those things and he guessed out who it was from that place. He reassured me that he was my friend and told me that she read things wrong.

The clincher is he went and told me who he has feelings for and now that hurts A LOT. It is some unrequited thing and it is going to destroy me. I come online there and know they talk and it hurts me. I still like him a lot and I think I may have destroyed my friendship with him by telling him about me talking to someone about him. He still tells me we are friends and we are going to hang out on Tues night for pizza. What should I do. He told me that he told me his secret about who he liked because he trusts me as a friend and wants to keep my friendship.

What do I do now? This is killing me.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 6:53pm

Are you currently in counseling or going to CODA meetings at least?

If you're not doing anything to change, nothing's GOING to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 7:03pm
I am going to go back into counseling I think. I feel very overwhelmed right now and I feel like I am going to lose it soon. I am going to call the clinic tomorrow morning to see if I can get something set up soon. I cant deal anymore.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 7:21pm

Good, I'm glad to hear that. If this is what it takes to get you where you need to be, then this is a good thing. I know it's probably frustrating to you to get that response (get counseling) over and over again, but it really is the only thing that's going to help you change.

I hope you find a counselor who is a good fit for you and that you will stick with it when it gets hard and DO the work.

Sheri