I should know how he feels by his acts

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
I should know how he feels by his acts
2
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 1:19am
I recently came back from a journey several weeks overseas during which the my boyfriend of 8 months and I were in constant contact. We missed each other very much and in his emails, he revealed much more to me about how he felt than he ever had (without actually ever using the L-word). His comments sounded really serious and he sounded confident in them. (I saw him cry when I left and he told me he cried for days after.) When I came back and broached the topic of my feelings for him (which had grown even stronger during our separation) he told me that he "wasn't comfortable talking about feelings" and that I should "know how he feels about me by his actions, not his words." I asked him how we could spend so much time together without these kinds of feelings developing and he said that he did not want to see any less of me, he just wanted to close the subject at this time, he wanted things to be "fun and easy" like they had always been (why do guys always think emotions take the fun out of things?). So I did the only sensible thing I could - I let it go (well, I am writing this, so clearly I have not, but I did not bring it up again). I am really happy with him and when I look at the way he treats me, the things he does for me, the way he makes me feel, then yes, his acts do express his feelings. He is still really into me. And we still have a great time together, but he has never openly expressed to me anything approaching the sentiments he expressed when I was away. Should I be worried that he isn't open to talking about feelings? Was what he felt when I was abroad genuine but he just isn't comfortable saying it in person? Or did he just confuse missing me with feeling for me? Ah yes, and I am enjoying sex much less than before because I don't feel connected to him in the same way anymore.

Edited 9/23/2004 1:22 am ET ET by eve1789


Edited 9/23/2004 1:22 am ET ET by eve1789

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 12:41pm
is anyone out there? i would love feedback! especially if you have had similar experiences.

thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 2:36am
Hi eve,

Here is a quote that I really believe: "actions are the best interpreters of mens' thoughts." I think that he felt that when you were away he could write all his feelings to you without having to be embarrassed about facing you after. He is still making you happy, he probably just feels like he doesn't have to try as hard, emotionally because now he has you back in his arms. He doesn't have to write you lovey dovey letters to keep you, like when you were overseas. I think you should just enjoy your time with him, and the fact that he is still the same person you've always loved. Maybe he really is uncomfortable expressing his feelings about you in person. Just let him come with time. Hope this helps a little.