I Think He Is Lying...and Being Selfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
I Think He Is Lying...and Being Selfish
5
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 12:39pm
Greetings all,

Well here I am back again with a whole new ( sort of new ) set of problems. The matter with me and my landlord/ lover has resolved itself. I have decided that I want nothing else to do with him besides our professional relationship. But get this... Some time ago, let's say four years or so ago, I was involved with this man that was a considerable amount older than me. We got along great, we went out almost every night, He would wine me ad dine me and it was never about sex. In fact we didn't become intimate until after about 6 weeks of dating or so. ( The decision to wait that long was mostly his ) Everything was great. The only problem was that he was already involved in a relationship with a woman whom he was living with. I knew at the time that this was not a situation that I wanted to involve myself with, but because he kept " her " a secret for a few days I was already more than intrigued by him by the time he confessed to being with her.

Needlees to say, he claimed that he ws not in love with her and that he would leave her, and Blah, Blah, Blah. Well to make a long story short we dated for about 5 months before i couldn't take it anymore and ended it. I told him that I could not be the "other" woman anymore, I told him that my own self respect and ego would not allow me to continue lusting after another woman's man. He claimed to be devestated but I severed all ties and went on with my life.

He tried to resurface a few times since our initial break up and each time I find that i am receptive at first, but when I ask him about "her" they are still together. Last week we went out on a date and we had a great time, all of those feelings started to creep back again, but I am feeling like this is a hopeless situation. I feel like if he is truly unhappy withthis woman he would have left her already whether we are trying to work on our relationship or not. The fact that he continues to live with her suggests to me that what we had ( have ) is no where near as deep as what he sahres with " her" Even though he claims to love me and NOT HER.

I think he is full of shyt... What do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:29pm
I know this sounds harsh but i have 2 words for you: Drop him. You answered your own question, if he is STILL with the other woman, there must be more going on than what he is willing to tell you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:37pm
I agree- DROP HIM.

Do not get involved if he is still with the other girl. Who knows why he is doing what he is doing. You may never know, and sounds like this guy is so confused he doesn't know. Who wants a guy that is confused and doesn't know what he wants? Tell him NO, and tell him why. Then don't go out with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 3:14pm
If he was going to drop her-he would have done it--ages ago. Bottom line (and trust me I've been here) the guy will tell "the other women" (you) ANYTHING--he doesnt love her--blah, blah, blah...just to get in your pants, because no matter how long it takes--bottom line--thats what the goal is. He will never leave her and you will always be the other women. Do you really want this women to find out somehow? You may have more problems then just dealing with him if she does....I would run far and fast from this situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 3:20pm
What's your desired result here? You are 100% responsible for your own actions and continue to participate in this affair. Are you trying to win him over? I don't understand your actions at all, especially since you know he is still with her.

Who cares if he is full of it. You need to look at yourself and your actions and make effective decisions based on facts and your values & standards. Actions speak louder than words so make the decision that is right for you and your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 5:17pm

Spiceman's right... this is YOUR responsibility.

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